February 6, 2012
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{illusions of beauty}
Standing in the dressing room Saturday I look in the mirror and feel the familiar assessment play through my mind..
hips too big. chest too small. legs too short. torso too long.
But mirrors deceive. play with our emotions.
reflections of us. but not our real selves.
yet we place alot of value on what we see looking back.
And I know the answer. the expected answer.
true beauty comes from within.
But when you have a young girl on the brink of womanhood following close behind.. watching.
you realize mere words are not enough.
I feel myself take a deep breath as I turn away from the mirror,
slowly pulling back on my jeans and long sweater..
and I think of this huge responsibility of helping to guide her through a culture so controlled by outward appearance.
this illusion that our self worth is found in our beauty. ~Everywhere you turn you’re bombarded with the world’s perception of “acceptable.”
and if you’re 14 and dealing with acne and naturally curly hair that never lays how you want, it’s tough.heck. if you’re 37 and dealing with flabby thighs and wrinkles you’ve no idea how they got on your face, it’s tough.
And. nothing wrong with beauty. with wanting to look nice and attractive and well kept.
I think it’s good to get out of our sweats and take those scrunchies from our hair.
God designed us as women to just naturally be drawn to things of beauty-
whether in the clothes we wear or the way we line our canned peaches down the pantry shelf.
Yet in our culture it’s hard to find the balance of embracing our femininity..
wanting to look and be attractive,
But. not allowing ourselves to be consumed with the shallowness, and ultimate emptiness, of it all.
So in comes the eternal battle of where we’ll seek our security~
in what we are – skinny. stylish. a size 2. awesome hair. toned body.
or who we are!If we focus on what we are, we will constantly feel that nagging sense of not “measuring up.”
You know that feeling I’m talking about.. I think we’ve all felt it.But who we are!
That has nothing to do with whatever is reflecting back at us in that dressing room mirror!If we’re focused on what we are, we live exhausted. anxious. always striving to keep up…
Chasing that illusion of beauty that we never seem quite able to over take.But if we’re focused on who we are. there is rest. plain and simple.
They say one of the best things a woman can do to help her appearance is get a good night’s sleep.
Well. I think there’s a rest that helps our appearance even more than that.
The kind of rest that can’t be conjured up. it’s merely a bi product of something else~
a heart shaped by grace and saturated in truth.a real woman of beauty is not striving to BECOME beautiful.
she knows in her quiet center where her worth is found. and in Him, she’s enough.“In returning and rest shall you be saved (rescued. victorious. free. safe):
in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength…” Isa 30:15
And as I slip out of the dressing room, placing all the too small things back on the rack,
I’m determined to not let an ounce of my security get hung up with them.genuine beauty is cultivated in a heart at rest with who we are.
and more importantly. WHOSE we are.
And as I look up and see Kate coming out of the dressing room that was beside mine, I walk towards her smiling…
with a whispered prayer, more felt than said, that I’ll be able to teach her this with more than just my words,
but with my life~
´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber
Comments (48)
Once again, exactly what my heart needed. It’s been a very “mondayish” Monday and sometimes it’s good to be reminded who we are is more important than meeting today’s standards. My husby, children and myself are all fed, clothed and not living in filth! LoL
what a very precious post!! And teens can pick up on it so well when our words are just empty words with no life behind them!!
LOVE this post! =)
So true! Love your words and your heart!
Just, FYI, Isaac (age 4) was sitting in the chair beside me while I read this and he pointed at your profile picture and said, “I like that girl. She’s pretty!”
;D
Very good post. Love it!
very well said. something i’ll need to come back re-read a few times to digest.
Amen! How very true. He is enthralled by our beauty
Love it! There is a peace that comes with “letting it go.” (not letting yourself go, mind you.)
very well said…i’ve been thinking about this a good bit ever since i knew i was pregnant w/ a little girl…thank you
two thumbs.
way up!
my brother gave me a gift certificate for Winners for my birthday last year…i have as of yet to make use of it. I find myself always getting the wrong size…because i’m either shopping in the juniors section (oops) or guessing at what i’ll fit into. It has been very upsetting for me to realize that while i’m not huge i’m not the size i once was and it definately does a number on my image of self when i can’t wear a blessed thing i’ve taken into the dressing room. Thank you for this reminder my dear. It is sooo important to remember whose we are…and where our true identity is found.
I find this to be a very hard thing to balance in my life!! And something that I want to grow in. Such wise words here…but so hard to really get on the inside, right? I read a quote on Pinterest lately that said something about us not being born critical of our bodies, it is something we learn. Probably more true than we like to admit. I hope I can do a good job teaching my daughter about this! And that picture of the daisy…breath taking!!
How about the thought of being feminine without being alluring, so distracting, to the opposite sex? According to Romans 14:13 we are instructed “…that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.” Don’t you think, knowing the way men are wired, flaunting a nicely shaped buttocks does this? Or revealed legs? or breasts?
How about teaching our daughters how to look beautiful without the use of skin tight jeans and shirts? Being chaste? being modest? Doesn’t Titus talk to us women about how to do this with discretion?
And speaking of discretion, how about the discretion of mothers growing old [gracefully] and not trying to look like their teen daughter counterpart? Yes, at some point we all need to grow up.
I don’t know that the women the bible speaks of as being so gracious would be touting the look of the world. We are to be in the world and not of the world. We are to “abstain from all appearance of evil” according to 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Evil in this verse, taken back to the greek, references the evil being anything that pertains/acts like [to] the world we live in, because the world is evil (according to God that is).
I happen this blog every now and then and sometimes read the “christian” anecdotes you spout, but my dear your appearance shows nothing more than what I see walking down the street of New York on any given television show. Our love for the Lord should shine from the inside, OUT. Taking everything, EVERYTHING He says to heart and obeying all His commands – according to Scripture.
I’m not suggesting you wear an Amish dress and suede, lace-up boots – I’m suggesting that your rethink the sizing and style you buy in yours and your daughters clothing. “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Holiness…I wonder if Mary (the woman God’s favor was on to carry His son) wore skin tight jeans, skirts barely covering her rear, shirts that pucker over her breasts – drawing attention to all the “behind closed doors” (for our husband only) parts of the body? I would believe Joeseph recognized her for the exact opposite of this.
You will probably delete this as it will embarrass you. But I would suggest that if it embarrasses you or even angers you, perhaps that’s the battle within; the Holy Spirit and the world you would like to hold on to. Just my pocket change.
Thanks. I love this post.
Amber, I loved your post. I loved it because it’s an honest response to something every woman, or young girl battles against: the lies the world would have us believe. You are a beautiful woman inside and out, I can testify to both on your behalf. The beauty of these blogs is that your girls can look back on these posts at various points along their lives and not only glean valuable insight into how to deal with the struggles they or future generations of them will face, but they can see your heart’s desire to steer them towards the only ONE whose opinion on all this matters: Jesus. The worst part about these blogs, is that some people might use it as an opportunity to attack someone about something without having known anything at all about the person who, in fact, made the post. That’s really sad. Enough said.
I want to say, Amber, like I mentioned earlier, this post spoke to me. I threw on some clothes this a.m., then when I was in the company of a large group of women, couldn’t help but notice the chic trendy moms there, and in turn, dowdy myself. And then Amber’s words came to me, it’s not what I am that matters, but who I am. Those words just hit home right then. To be the best me, and not worry if my pre-maternity clothes are in fact, 3 yrs. old. If someone can’t get past them, it’s their choice, or loss, or whatever it is.
Yes, Amber, to that beauty that God places in each woman, and is found in resting and knowing HIM. The way He made each one. Inner and outer beauty. You put it so well Amber and are one of God’s blessings to us to express it, show it in both your writing and your photos. Teaching your daughter to embrace who she is as a young woman in Christ. Our physical fades. I know!! Age and illness happen, but we grow in beauty in the Lord. I know you know this…I have seen and heard of your mom and grandmother. Just agreeing. I think that Satan attacks this area because he does want to confuse and mess up the story of Christ and the church that is reflected in the beauty of the relationship in marriage of a man and woman here on earth. And yes, the outward can show a bit of that growing inward beauty…even into age
Loved this passage:
“June is one of the most beautiful women we have ever met. We encountered her a few years ago while doing a retreat on the coast of North Carolina. Her hair was long, swept up loosely and held by decorative combs. She wore unique,dangly earrings and pretty flowing skirts. Her eyes sparkled when she laughed, which she did often and her smile lit up the room. She was clearly in love with her husband, her face adoring as she gazed at him. June was at rest with herself, at home in who she was. Talking with her, just being with her made us feel more at rest with ourselves as well. Her spacious, beautiful soul invited others to come, to be , to taste and see that the Lord is good, whatever was happening in your life. She wept at the retreat. She laughed at the retreat. She was gloriously alive and in love, both with her husband and with the God of the Universe.
And June was about seventy-five years old.” John and Stasi Eldredge
So sorry for the attack above. I agree with the gals who already responded. Love to you!
Amber, This is another great post which speaks to my heart. I love how you choose to share what is on your mind, with such courage and risk of your innermost feelings showing vulnerable to whoever would choose to read it. I know that being a woman and being the mom of a couple of younger woman is such a huge responsibility that you, I, and many others see as a holy calling that it is. Your blog is a highlight to my day – seeing a new entry makes me want to grab a fresh mug of coffee before I settle in to read…
xo
I just want to encourage you to keep sharing, even in the face of short-sighted and ill-informed feedback. You are a GORGEOUS woman; primarily on the inside, but also on the outside. Audience of one. But you know that.
all so true..totally what i needed!! thanks Amber!
I haven’t worried much about the outside until I hit 30 and I realize it is going to take real effort to keep up. I made a pact with myself never to wear my sweats outside of the house except for certain times… like if I am sick or the occasion calls for something comfty. That was a little way to wage war with the frump.
I wish I could pretend that I did not read Mrs. B self righteous comment but I did and it made me laugh because our small group last night was about religion vs. relationship. Then my verses today in our Ephesians study through GMG were: 14-15 “The Messiah has made things up between us so that we’re now together on this, both non-Jewish outsiders and Jewish insiders. He tore down the wall we used to keep each other at a distance. He repealed the law code that had become so clogged with fine print and footnotes that it hindered more than it helped. Then he started over. Instead of continuing with two groups of people separated by centuries of animosity and suspicion, he created a new kind of human being, a fresh start for everybody.” Msg
If only people would understand the wall is tore down and in Christ is freedom – and b/c of comments likes hers was the reason why JESUS himself tore it down. I can only feel her shackles in the words she wrote, and that is sad.
Keep sharing your heart – ALWAYS – it always comes with a risk and a critic now and then but my sweet, wonderful, friend, you have so many more cheering you on!
So much I want to say, but mostly I’m so blessed to “know” you, to hear your precious heart for your daughter and your Lord once again. And shame on Mrs. B for her bitter diatribe – what happened to “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”? Let’s see some love!
Kate is following in some pretty awesome footsteps!
“genuine beauty is cultivated in a heart at rest with who we are.
and more importantly. WHOSE we are.” I’m going to hold onto those words, and when I think of them I will think of the beautiful woman who wrote them.
I struggle with this every day… self confidence i have very little of, a lot of it goes to past scars and experiences. One day I will hopefully not care what I think of myself.
I find it so funny, and encouraging, that my husband finds me most attractive when I am in my barn chore jeans and hoodie, hair pulled back in that ridiculous scrunchie (hahaha) while I am out digging in my garden or scooping the horse poop. He’s always inviting me to sit on the hay bales with him. I do wonder if our spirits don’t let loose a glow when we are doing the things we love that lipstick and golden highlights can’t even come close to.
Wonderful piece, Amber!
@pettybunch - Well said!
Loved this post, Amber. As usual it seems to always touch on something going on here at home
I have 2 daughters as well, ages 9 and 6. My 9 year old is in that stage before she blooms and it’s difficult for her to see her friends so thin and willowy – I am thankful that we’ve spoken often of His love for our inside and have not put too much pressure and attention on outside appearances (other than keeping clean, brushing teeth, combing hair 
) it’s still difficult for her. Last week her class wrote a page each describing my Anna (each student gets this honor)- and I had tears running down my face because not one person talked about her outside appearance (and I thought that was great) - they all talked about how kind she was, what a good friend she is, how fun she makes things, what a good speaker in front of the class ,etc. . . .
I’m sorry that Mrs. B above felt the need to write what she did. She clearly doesn’t read your blog – or she would know the person we all know you are
amen sista! I was always super skinny growing up but somewhere around 15 or so I started getting the thought I was fat. Which when I look back at pictures is crazy because there couldn’t have been an inch of fat on me back then. Sometimes the world and Satan I think gets the better hand and it’s like when you’re in those teenage years, they take advantage of you and the way you look. How I wish to be that light for those growing up to dispel those lies, it’s what’s inside that counts for so much more!
It is strange to me to see how someone can claim to speak for Jesus while clearly doing it in the spirit of enemy. Amber is not perfect, but she is honest in her acknowledgement of her struggles. Her love for God motivates her to continually grow. She is a wonderful wife who honours me, her husband, in more ways than most husbands ever experience. And she is a tremendous example to our three daughters. If they turn out to be anything like my wife, I will be a blessed man.
So for any out there who feel the need to openly criticize someone they know so little about, spend some time reading the word’s of Jesus. Develop the Spirit of Christ in your life and perhaps you will discover a unity with those in the body of Christ. We stopped trying to earn our salvation years ago and now place our faith in the work of a perfect Saviour. He alone can save!
Love you, babe, and am very proud of you!
Beautiful post…beautiful heart. Keep looking up. As far as ”Mrs. B’s” comment, it shows the condition of ”HER” heart…no more need be said.
(((HUGS)))
I had a nice long comment all typed out and xanga ate it! Sigh.
Was simply going to say that I loved your post and it spoke VOLUMES to me! God has been putting similar notions into my head. It’s not about my body (which needs a serious diet) or my outward looks. It’s about what’s in my heart! Oh, if I could only remember that on those days when I have to weigh in at weight watchers. LOL
just so many emotions coursing through my body as i read this post and all the comments….
first of all amber, i affirm your beautiful belief and heart of where and what beauty really is and you live that out in such a godly/honest way. (i need some more teaching from you)
sad with the way we can so easily condemn others when our own hearts are so far from God’s heart…. who really can throw any stones? loved the way the ladies are surrounding you and cheering you on… girls who live out grace and i’m inspired and more confident then ever that that is the ONLY way to live.
loved shayne’s words… what beautiful blessing words and affirming to keep living life as you are…. running after the things that are of value.
love you girlfriend.
Amber. You are such a dear. And THIS was so powerful…
“a real woman of beauty is not striving to BECOME beautiful.
she knows in her quiet center where her worth is found. and in Him, she’s enough.”
That is so so good. Something that is so real for me these days, wanting that. This pregnancy has messed with my bodily image more than my other two, and the security in Jesus alone is what I keep finding comfort in. Especially with FFE coming up and all the gorgeous women there.
The quietness of heart. The no-striving, just a rest in the deepest place. Thank you… ♥
I really can’t wait to meet you.
@fruitloops115 - something about maternity clothes really gets me this time around too… maybe we can sort of have a support group and remind each other that we’re really Treasure Chests, in more ways than one!
I really heard the HEART of this post! Thank you.
Amber you are a beautiful person, inside and out! I struggle too with not wanting to be misunderstood on “gray” area’s of the Bible that some people see as “black and white”. And a lot of it comes down to interpretation and the culture(group of people) that a person surrounds themself with. And neither one is neccessarily more right or wrong, but a lot of times we feel the need to defend the way we see it, and before long we are harboring a very critical spirit. I fully believe that if God is not pleased with us, He is quite capable of showing us where we need to grow, and we all have room for growth. As long was we are honoring God first and our husbands second (which I fully believe you are), then let the truth speak for itself. Love ya, friend~
Hey, girl…just wanted to send you some love.
i hardly spend time writing online at all right now–just poke around one-handed now and then. I have a minute right now, and wanted to say hi and send you a hug. I do so wish I’d be seeing you for real in a few weeks. You saying you had a mental list of things for us to talk about made me incredibly sad to miss out on that!!! 
Love it Amber~You shine in my book
! I hate those dressing room mirrors…they always seem to make me feel like I’m just not cutting it somehow. Like I shouldn’t eat for a year or more. So love your heart, and how I really want to get to that place in my heart where I know who I am, and like you say, my security doesn’t end up on the rack with the little clothes 
. Having girls grow up really makes ya think..doesn’t it? Want to deal with some of my junk, and maybe I can help her avoid some. Can’t wait to find the time to chat again….it’s gonna be so wonderful to see you again.
I’d love to grow up to be the kind of beautiful you are.
I never wore those modest things well anyway. I wasn’t a slut – just sloppy!
@Mrs.B - Mrs. B. What is your purpose in this comment? I’m curious. Have you actually read the Book you are quoting? Does standing in the position of judgement, especially over someone’s clothing, not scare you to death? Because I’m pretty sure it should. The Bible is clear on judgement and who’s responsibility that is. Maybe I could understand if it was an issue like abortion, murder, rape, lying, stealing, sexual immorality, hatred, jealousy, greed,or any other major issue. But jeans? Really? I would encourage you to spend your energy fighting for causes that are significant.
when i read this post…i was so deeply touched. by HIS gifting of eloquence that you share? yes. but more than that. way more than that…by the simplicity of such that offers me a handle to pick up what HE has for ME here in it. love that. love that about HIM. love *gotta say it again* how HE has included YOU in my life. and the real deal that you offer that i can so.so.so relate to. you have been such a cheering alongside sister with what i/we face as women, wives and mothers.
and then as i’m scrolling down to comment…waituhminute. what in the world? really? i was completely taken aback. i’m not sure why, when the deceiver seems to use an such old bag of tricks. but still. that said…i am sorry for the attack. it stirred those “don’t mess with my sis” feelings that i get when someone i know and love is mistreated.
and then…so much of what you wrote suddenly cracked me up. as it struck me ironic…a post about the importance of hearts being HIS and then having someone inadvertantly reveal so much about their own…oops. realizing that while there is The World’s perception of beauty and it’s nasty, unfair and cruel. always measuring. always comparing. there is also a religious perception of such. also nasty, unfair and cruel. always measuring. always comparing. we are so wired to want significance that *if left to ourselves* we will do ANYthing to get it. and rationalize. spiritualize. our methods.
those who i know to be truly beautiful are those who reflect HIM, “a heart shaped by grace and saturated in truth.
a real woman of beauty is not striving to BECOME beautiful.
she knows in her quiet center where her worth is found. and in Him, she’s enough.
genuine beauty is cultivated in a heart at rest with who we are.
and more importantly. WHOSE we are.”
keep on keeping on dear truly beautiful friend.
Amber,
I’ve been a way from comment posting for sometime now . . . but I can’t help myself on this.
You are loved with an everylasting love that never lets go. We are all on a journey to grow in grace – as you often say. Praise God He is so patient and tender towards us, very unlike the comment posted.
I’ve had my huge share of such comments – in real life, and online. They cut like a knife, and then a twist.
Because it is twisted. Sounds all good and godly, those comments, but there is a twist after the knife. . . like the hypocrisy of Jesus’ day, all the good words from those who appear all good — yet, they were so wrong.
Here is a hug from far away, and understanding too. At the same time, I must add, I have deep compassion on the commenter. . .
I would encourage you too — compassion because they are hurting – hurting people, hurt people. If she were grounded in God, content with her own skin, and resting in Him – there would be no need for such a comment. Let’s pray for her – we don’t know her hurt, but we can pray God will heal — and Free. HE IS GOOD LIKE THAT.
AMEN!
lys
Catching up on your blog. Keep being your honest and beautiful self. You have one of my favorite blogs…top 5 at least. And after reading the most recent blog before this I admire you even more. Thank you for being willing to process adversity on here for us to see. We have all endured it, and the enemy always tries to tell us its “everybody against me.” But I think you have an army behind you in your blog friends, but more importantly you have your Jesus.
Yes, yes, yes! This was very much what I needed to be reminded of right now. I can get so tired of wearing baggy clown pants and sacks of dresses… the traditional ladies’ clothing that I wear here. But who I am in Christ is what matters so much more than some cute little dress that makes me feel like a million bucks. Thank you so much for sharing what was on your heart and allowing God to speak to me through you.
Great post!
I don’t know how I missed this post…but i appreciate it so much. It spoke to me. Alot.
I struggle with this alot and such good thoughts to remember! There is something so beautiful about a woman in love with Jesus and His love radiating from her…and you don’t even think about whether she’s a size 6, or in the latest fashions. I want to be that woman, but have so far to go. THANK you for your encouragement to us ladies who read and love your blog!!
I don’t know how I missed this post…but i appreciate it so much. It spoke to me. Alot.
I struggle with this alot and such good thoughts to remember! There is something so beautiful about a woman in love with Jesus and His love radiating from her…and you don’t even think about whether she’s a size 6, or in the latest fashions. I want to be that woman, but have so far to go. THANK you for your encouragement to us ladies who read and love your blog!!
I don’t know how I missed this post…but i appreciate it so much. It spoke to me. Alot.
I struggle with this alot and such good thoughts to remember! There is something so beautiful about a woman in love with Jesus and His love radiating from her…and you don’t even think about whether she’s a size 6, or in the latest fashions. I want to be that woman, but have so far to go. THANK you for your encouragement to us ladies who read and love your blog!!
I would be flattened if all websites gave articles like that.does dr numb work