and just when i was sure she didn’t even realize i was there at all,
right before she rounded the trees out of sight she turned and flashed a big smile..
throwing her hand up in a wave.

and i knew she knew.
knew that i was there.
where i always was.
right where i should be.
behind her. encouraging her. praying her forward. watching her go~

knowing these kind of moments didn’t need alot of words.
i had said it all a thousand times in a thousand ways long before now.
and i was saying it still..
my reassurance. my trust. my cheering.
even if just in the simple lock of our eyes that brief moment when she turned to look back.

she could hear it. all of what i was saying. i know she could.

funny now how grocery shopping is one of my least favorite things to do and mainly,
because you have to bag your own groceries!
atleast with the stores i shop at..
the kind where you even have to PAY to use the carts!! yeah, those.

now when i’m standing there bagging groceries i can’t believe i ever thought it looked fun.
and i have to chuckle to myself realizing what a lousy bagger i would have made as i cram, shove, and pile those plastic bags just as full as i can get them!!

what’s a job you used to think would be cool to have when you were a kid?

i was baking fish in the oven and had some rice cooking on the stove, with a little broccoli in the steamer for the side.
can you tell i’ve been watching iron chef?

in british accent::
“what i’ve made for you today is a hand squeezed lemon baked alaskan cod over a bed of pilaf rice accompanied by fresh herb and broccoli wasu.”

yeah. yeah. you made fish and rice with broccoli. just say it how it is!!” )

i like to think i might actually be a fairly decent cook if i didn’t get so easily distracted.
more times than i can count i’ve started making something, then went and got involved in something else…
and just totally, completely forgot!
until the smoke detector is going off or i’m wondering what that funny smell is.

so. with the rice stuck in the bottom of the pan and the fish shriveled to a near nothing.
needless to say. we ordered pizza.
the broccoli however was just fine.
the only part i’m sure my kids would have liked to have burnt up!

***

here’s some pics and projects from around the house lately.
and once again me just whispering out a word of encouragement to use what you have and embrace where you are~

so often my piddling around my home is me working out a discontentment issue in my own  heart.
and remember. what you see when you look here, or anywhere on the web, is only half the picture, right.

“martha stewart would choke on her craft supplies if she saw how i wad up a fitted sheet!”
love that quote~ so true. with me and all my sheets. what’s the point?

1. making extra space

when i picked up this little side table at a thrift store i was planning on using it in our bedroom..
i cleaned it up a bit and spray painted it black.

the upstairs bathroom had the same ugly green countertop as the downstairs..
and yep, with just a few coats of plain old spray paint it too was transformed!

when i talked about this with the downstairs bath several asked how it would hold up.
well, this is the one kate uses all the time {the “girls” bathroom, as we call it}.
so there’s been curling irons on it. make up all over it. even kool aid everywhere when she and her friends decided to dye their hair.
and so far it’s holding up fine.
 
there’s maybe a few drops of the kool aid stain here and there.

so until i can buy a new mirror and figure out how to keep it up there i just hung some family pictures around it in a circle..

we also still have our tree up.
i like the coziness of it. the lights twinkling at night…
i haven’t wanted to take it down just yet.

so kate and i actually cut out some hearts from book pages and plain paper and made a garland to go round it.
we’re now calling it,  “the love tree!”

well. dinner is now cooking but i’m at the table and i’m not leaving this room!!!
atleast if it burns i can show my husband this and tell him i had every good intention.

happy thursday evening!

and still. he laid on the horn and threw his hand back up at me all frustrated.
and then i shook my head and wrinkled my forehead and was trying to mouth back,
“what’s your problem jerk.. can’t you see this is a bit out of my control!!”
but we had already slid past and i’m pretty sure he missed half that.
hopefully he got the jerk part.

after getting all the kids where they needed to be i finally, and without any sliding incidents this time, made it back home.
only. the snow plow had come while i was gone and there was now a huge pile of snow at the end of my driveway..
blocking me from getting in.
i parked on the road. more like in the middle, because that’s about all that was a clear- a thin lane down the middle.
and i do have a history of going into ditches, so i was trying to stay clear away from those.~

after getting in the house and laying reese down for a nap,
i knew i had to move the van and there was only one way i was going to be able to do that. ..
i’d have to shovel out the driveway so i could get in!

so i bundled up and headed out.

i stood for a bit and “evaluated” the project.
wondering when our driveway had gotten so long!

i looked around.
for what i’m not sure?
some friendly neighbor with his snow blower?
the homeschool kid from around the corner looking to make a few bucks?
but the street was empty and still.

i put my shovel down and pushed the first line of snow across the drive.
the plastic against the blacktop echoed through the quietness and i was caught off guard by how loud it was.
it seemed easy at first. and i was already thinking i’d be done in no time.
then. the snow piled higher on the shovel. heavier. and i could barely lift it at the end.
i stumbled over the weight and flung it in this big awkward motion as all the snow just blew immediately right back on me.

i stood for a minute. feeling all dumb and 10 years old!
i wanted to give up. right then.
one attempt and fail. done!

but i saw the van. knew it needed to be moved. knew this driveway had to be cleared.  knew there were no other options…
so. i walked back across to where i had started.
hunched over.
gripped the handle hard.
and shoveled through the snow once more. 

back and forth i went across the driveway.
this haphazard zig zag of a pattern.
nothing neat.
nothing that spoke of experience or strength.

i know i looked every bit the mess i felt.
breathing heavy. hair sticking to my sweaty face..
my too big jeans falling down, my sweatshirt riding up.
and every now and then my foot and the shovel would collide causing me to stumble forward. 

i looked across the street and saw the old neighbor man watching me out his window.
i could just imagine what he was thinking, “crazy yank.. doesn’t even know how to shovel snow right!”
i didn’t bother waving. my numb fingers wouldn’t pry loose of the handle.
i just sighed and tried to turn my back to the house so he atleast wouldn’t see my bum hanging out of my baggy jeans. {trust me, not a pretty sight!}

and just when i was about to feel relief that i was almost done. i realized the end part would be the hardest..
the largest pile of snow. the heaviest. the toughest to get through.
i couldn’t just keep doing my back and forth zig zaggy thing.
no. now i would have to stop. stand still. and dig through the deep stuff.
one shovel full after the other. again. and again until it was gone.

slowly. and oh, how slow…
smaller and smaller it became .
and finally, clear.

when a storm hits and you’re left to work through the hard of it all.

how i wish most things in life were as easy as grabbing a shovel and just going at it! 
though my aching shoulders tell me easy isn’t the right word –
still, atleast it’s tangible. visible. i could see results.

what about those things in life where there seems to be none. progress. or change. or chances of anything ever being anything other than you feeling trapped. blocked in?
some paths, like my driveway seemed to me yesterday morning, feel endless.

and even though a situation might feel hopeless, it’s not. no, really! i can hear the doubts. i get it. i’ve doubted too and am still learning this..but no situation is hopeless because our hope isn’t determined by our circumstances-
it’s determined by the Person of Jesus Christ. He’s the only one that can make what seems impossible, possible. and though snow in a driveway hardly compares to the hard of real life – of broken marriages and relationships and health and finances and pressures at work and problems in the world – when you find yourself hunched over and that feeling that you just cannot possibly shovel one more path across, you can! and you can, we can, because just as the snow that never seems to stop here in the north .. His grace never stops pouring down over our lives! never. it’s always falling. always washing over us. always giving us that strength for just one more step. even in times we don’t feel it is. especially in those times!

so whatever it is you’re looking in the eyes of today.
whatever is making you feel trapped. blocked in. buried. maybe just plain down right exhausted..
don’t give up or grow discouraged.
keep shoveling, girl!!

hope it is restful and fun…
and i want to say something cheesy like, “may you not go banana’s even once!”

{smiley’s picked out for you by emma… she said she picked seven because she’s 7! }

amber.

i had pretty much made up my mind to move to blogger, 
i thought the first of the year would be a good start.
now. i’m chickening out as i pack my bags.

so i decided to just sit down and talk about it here with you..
and i was going to say as my readers.. but really, that’s not what this blog is about-
as my friends. because you are.

when i first started blogging i had to be all technical about it.
like, these are my real life friends, these are my online friends.
but phooey on technicalities. let’s all just be friends!! 
because though we don’t see each other often and some never even met…
when you do a bit of life together, and this bit of life on the computer screen counts –
hey, we’re friends!

and of course there’s different levels of friendship. but a friendship just the same.

i’ve been moved to tears so often by your encouragement.

God was genius when He created relationships. just so cool!
and i’m always left in awe at the thought no one ever enters our life by chance..
there’s a purpose for them being there.
i truly believe that~

so. thank you, friends. for showing up in this little square to share in my life and cheer me on!! ~

but i think there’s also an aspect in recognizing those things we love to do. feel inspired to do..
whether writing or taking pictures or designing or cooking or growing things or music or encouraging others,
GOD is the one who has put those things in us.
those interests and abilities and dare i say it, gifts?

why do we have such a hard time accepting our strengths?
we can talk all day about our weaknesses…
but when someone mentions something we’re good it, we blush and stammer about and think there’s godliness or something in downplaying it.

not that we should walk around like we’re all that.
no. i wouldn’t want to be your friend if you did, nor you mine.
but there is that whole other side that we often don’t talk about.
the fact that maybe.. just maybe God has put something in you and it’s up to you to follow that.
to see where it might lead. to work on making something happen.

i’ve been so encouraged in the past by some of emily freeman’s post over at chatting at the sky about writing a book~
she shared how that a publishing company didn’t come to her. she went to them!
she went after her dream. and now.. she’s working on her third book.

same with the nester. she wrote that she attended a blogging conference and came home and told her husband -
i’m going to be more intentional about my blog.
and because of that she’s helped pay off nearly 140 thousand dollars of their debt!

it was really her story that made me sit up and rethink some of this.
pay off debt? hello!!!!!  

and i know people always say, “well, we have to pray and ask God what His will is,” etc etc…. 
but sometimes i wonder if we don’t over complicate His will by sitting around waiting on all these   signs and feelings.
i mean, anyone follow that with me?

i’m far from any authority on it, but i think “God’s will” is for us to glorify Him – in whatever we do!
but as far as specifics… He’s already put many of those things within us.

He’s already equipped us!

and… just another quick thought, sometimes i feel we lose sight of the fact that God WANTS us to enjoy life?
not that that means things will be easy. or we’ll spend our winters in jamaica! you know what i’m saying.
but there is a joy that comes when we do what we love. what God has put within us to do!

hopefully that makes sense.
and most of all, hopefully this whole thing doesn’t come across like i think i’m the next great blogger.
stand back ladies!!!
haha. not at all.

just processing my decision outloud here..
concluding that i think i’d rather take a risk and try something new then to look back and feel i never did!

and that’s just not with blogging. but so many other things in life as well~

and as i kinda talk myself into being more courageous, i hope you grab hold of it too!
for us all to not be afraid to walk through whatever door is in front of us right now.
whatever it looks like.
whether huge – like moving to canada!! or small, like moving to another blog host!!

so. maybe once i sort out things like transferring archives and putting up headers and getting the new spot fixed all up, you’ll come visit me?

or better yet. wanna just pack up and come too???

it’s like going to college. you’d feel so much better if you already knew your roommates!

it’s like high school on steroids.
the pettiness and comparison. the insecurity and trying to impress.
endless views and opinions and arguments!
and yes!  there’s always that group of “mean girls!”

whoever named it the world wide web seemed to know what they were talking about.
it’s an easy place to get sucked in and tangled up~
especially for us as women, because we can be so emotionally driven.

with anything that seems to involve people comes vulnerability. the risk of being hurt.
and criticism drives us to self reflect. to hopefully grow.

woman complain about blogs they don’t like.
pinterest leaving them overwhelmed.
facebook wasting their time.
but is it really that complicated?
if something doesn’t feel healthy.. don’t go there!
click the x and walk away.

but we don’t have to allow these things to control us!
to become such huge distractions.

sometimes i wonder if part of the remedy might be simply moving our focus from the faces online to the faces right around us! 
putting our time into the needs within our community! our church.

remember the chick-fil-a uproar?
facebook became the battleground of political views and who could post the most spiritual sounding status.
imagine if we as christians put as much energy over feeding the poor as we did into arguing over a chicken restaurant?
we might actually get something done!

as a mom trying to raise kids in such a social media crazed world i feel an even stronger call to attention.
the responsibility of guiding them right and with wisdom through it all.
being so aware that more is caught than taught..
and what we allow in moderation in our own lives, our kids will do in excess!
{excess- the state of exceeding what is normal or sufficient} -webster’s.
sound familiar?

and there’s a challenge before me, even urgency within, to keep this place in the perspective it belongs. 
it’s a great tool. a connection.
but when it starts feeling unhealthy, it’s simple..
don’t go there!

i look back on 2012 and funny, i don’t really see any of the individual trials that seemed so important at the time..
but instead, i see this one great big covering of something wonderful~
i think it’s called GRACE. and i love how it falls over my life.

i’m sure everyone is saying it, but it really does seem just yesterday i was putting down our memories of christmas 2011.
it’s hard to believe it’s been a year. so soon. already?
and i always remind myself of my grandmother because she used to tell me the older you get,
the faster time goes.

apparently, i’m getting older!

we got home from the states on monday. driving all day, getting in around nine that night.
we unloaded the van and headed to a friend’s house for new year’s.
someone asked if we weren’t tired. of course. but i can’t imagine new year’s without a party..
and it seemed the perfect way to jump back in here.
when we surround ourselves with people, we don’t have time to engage in self pity.
my friends have helped ease the ache of homesickness which i was already feeling tightening down around my heart.

and yes. once again as i look back, i see His blanket of grace covering it all.

that’s why as i think of this new year i feel for the first time there’s less fear and more hope!
because maybe, just a little bit, i’m finally getting it after all these years. i can rest in His faithfulness.
and that is where my joy is found. not in my circumstances but the comfort that He’s in control.

even when it doesn’t seem like it. when i don’t feel like it.
there is never a time He stops thinking of me. working in my life.
every piece.. every thing that happens is part of something so much bigger.
it’s not our story He’s telling. it’s His!

we were made for His glory.

and i love something my mom shared when i was home..
that one of the ways we bring Him glory most is when He is recognizable in our lives.
when we can identify Him IN us and when other’s can identify Him THROUGH us!

that’s what life is about. not all these other things we get so easily side tracked with, but simply..
to recognize God in every part and to make Him recognizable to others.

we can make an invisible God visible to those around us!

and it’s not by having it all together. or pretending to.
it’s about coming to Him in all my neediness. again and again.
realizing no pain is ever wasted. no part too broken.
no mistake out of His reach. and no area too dark.
He takes me as i am. mess and all.

it’s the kind of beauty only He can bring.

as He takes our our injured flesh and wraps it around Himself, giving us life.
and not just any life – life ABUNDANT! filled up. overflowing. complete.

to me, that’s really the message of christmas.
that when i needed Him most..He came.

and He never stops coming…
pursuing us. saving us. redeeming us. working in us. loving us.
meeting us where we need Him most.
at exactly where we are. just as we are.

and because of that, we have a future. we have a HOPE!

*****

december was just packed with all kinds of wonderful..
and my heart feels content with the fullness of memories

here’s a bunch of pictures from some of our times~
 
there were plays and school performances and a special night in the city with my man.
there were parties and tons of games. lots of eating. and laughing till we cried.
there were walks with arms linked together with those i love most..
and sitting up late talking till the wee hours of the morning.
there were movies and cuddling under blankets. warm fires and hot tea.
there was shopping and singing at the top of our lungs…
drives in our pj’s to see the christmas lights and caroling to random strangers.
there was silliness and seriousness and surprises.
of trying so hard to catch every single little detail. to want to soak it up. drink it in. to not forget.

but really, the main thing, being reminded over and over that the very best things, aren’t things at all!!