i'm writing now from a hotel in wheeling, west virginia~ set on the top of a hill, looking out over the mountains beyond. the window is open. and I can see the town below grow darker as more and more lights go out.
the room is a navy blue and seafoam sort of green. a cool kind of vibe and modern. there's a little blue chair in the corner with this funky square pattern on it. i admit i had the fleeting thought of wondering if it would fit in my trunk. actually, i already know it wouldn't. and i'm afraid strapping it to the roof would just be too obvious! ;)
so i guess i'll leave the little blue chair where it is. i'm sure future guests will thank me when they sit here, looking out over the little town below. the mountains beyond. and enjoy.
emma is long asleep in the bed in the other room. i can see her through the door. or, atleast the top of her head. the rest of her is buried beneath the thick comforter and mounds of pillows all around.
my mind can't let me rest just yet. and so here i am. to process. to record.
thinking of yesterday.
and the fact that i always cry at weddings. i just do.
i think even if i didn't know the people getting married at all.. and just happened to be passing by and look in the window and watch from the outside.. i would still cry!
to me. weddings seem the climax of every good emotion. the epitome of the deepest of feelings. when you join your life to another - till.death.do.you.part.
what could be more exhilarating and terrifying all mixed into one indescribable, glorious way!
i've never skydived before, but i imagine the emotions to be much like that. the, shut your eyes real tight. let out a loud scream. hold on for dear life. and just jump! the free fall that sends your heart to your throat - but the comfort of the parachute that opens to soften the landing.
i sat yesterday and listened.. listened as a girl i knew from when she was only interested in horses;) took that leap of faith with the love of her life~
i hear her words. her face. glowing. eyes locked in his. so full of promise. of hope. that tiny tremble of the unknown and yet, complete confidence their love will conquer the world.
i'm sure they feel no one has ever felt what they do. had what they had. and it's true. no one can. and no one does. it's theirs~ their love. unique. individual. special. tailored to only fit them.
and i listened. and watched. and wiped tears. floods of memories poured in. as if the haze of the chandeliers cast the figures in a fog and it was me standing there. shayne beside me. and i could hear my own words. from all those years ago. even feel my heart quicken at the rush of feeling. and i shut my eyes for a brief minute and whispered something to the Lord like,
"how i needed this reminder. help me remember more often..."
the love. the feeling. the emotions. the nervousness. the freshness. the way our eyes looked. our hands held. all that so filled me. so overwhelmed me. that made me willing to give all, to be all his.
i need to remember what i vowed.
i've forgotten so many times along the way. when self and flesh and questions of God clouded what i once promised.
but. though the tough times try our vows. they do not change them.
and it's in those times we need to cling to them most. "in the good that may lighten our days, and in the bad that may darken our way.."
to remember we once said, i will love you through it all.
i came all this way to watch a wedding. and it was beautiful and perfect. as all weddings are! but. i came away with a even more precious wedding on my mind - my own.
and as i left the reception early to meet up with some friends in the area, i passed the groom's car as i pulled out.. the big sign of just married across the back.
i stopped for a minute and looked at it. even pulled my camera out and took a picture. it made me smile. the sign. the cans tied on the bumper. that proud declaration to the world what you've done.
but as i drove away i couldn't help but think how those words weren't only for newlyweds. they are just married because they chose to be. and everyday we have that choice too. to be, just married.
committing daily to take the words we recited on a platform before hundreds and live them out in our lives before a simple audience of two. God. and our husband. because commitment is far more than wearing a fancy dress. lighting a candle and signing a piece of paper - commitment is a choice each and every day to be. to stay. just married. and not "just" as in a boring, same old kind of way. but just as in a fresh and alive and ever growing kind of way~
i want to be that kind of just married every day!
and though there's part of me that feels all silly and 8th grader-ish to say I have butterflies to think of seeing him day after tomorrow. that's okay. to feel silly and 8th grader-ish. it's how it should be. and I'm glad to feel that. those butterflies had flown away for a time, and to have them back... well, those of you that have them know what I mean. and those of you that don't.. yes. you know even more.
so tonight, far from home, I'm reminded once more.. as I have been many times throughout these 15 years- wherever that man of mine is - is my home! and i'm looking forward to being there again. "I do" are the two most famous last words The beginning of the end But to lose your life for another I've heard Is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life Is to lay your own life down And I believe it's an easy price For the life that we have found
Great thoughts, Amber! I'm the same way at weddings!....can't help those tears from streaming down my cheeks!
And I always sit and wonder what all they'll face as a bride and groom. on that day everything seems so perfect, and you feel like you can face anything together as a couple. and then life hits and it's way harder than it looked!!
Great thoughts! And I'm with you on the crying thing. At a wedding recently I let my mind wonder to what if that were my daughter getting married....not a good place to go with all that emotion going on! ;) If that day ever does come, I think I'll need to park myself beside a big ol' box of tissues.....
We shoot several weddings a year, plus the ones of our friends that we don't shoot, but do attend, and I cry every single time! I cry, and pray for the couple, and when we are shooting the wedding, I wish my hubby was sitting beside me so I can hold his hand. The end of this month brings our 31st anniversary! Praising God for that!!
I love reading you thoughts in your own words, and the pic you choose to put with them. You are a blessing!!
I think I cry more at every wedding I go to as well. I also love being at a wedding with Dan and seeing that commitment TOGETHER. Thanks for your encouragement on the "just married" words. Spring and summer are hard times for us because they're so busy and we can so easily do our separate thing even though we live in the same house. Love the song so much. I've heard it before, but it was wonderful to listen to it again tonight.
Beautiful post. I love weddings, too, and get that big lump in my throat every time. Something inside of me feels like I could completely sob, but I hold myself back, not wanting to embarrass my whole family! Hope you had a wonderful, safe trip home.
love this post and the reminder of the reality that will be faced post wedding and how its something that is worked on for the rest of your life, and so thankful for God's grace in our daily livng and loving on one another. i am so thankful that God has brought you and Shayne through tough patches to a deeper love and understanding for one another, i'm glad that those butterflies are in your stomach for him and that you revel in your time together. i cry at weddings too....i just thouink its such an awesome celebration. thank you for sharing of your journey and your thoughts on what you are learning about life and love. you are loved girl.
Is it OK to say that I don't cry at weddings? In fact, I find them to be quite boring. I have no idea what this says about me.
But, that said, I did LOVE your thoughts on marriage and about the committment it takes to stay "just married." And I loved how you described that emotion of your wedding day. I can so relate to that. And then how sometimes you wonder where that feeling has gone but to keep going forward even through those tough/dark times. Anyway, thanks for posting this! You should take trips more often...I like the blog posts you wrote from the road! Oh, and thanks for your kind comment on my blog yesterday. It meant a lot to me!
OH me, OH my! For many years now I would totally sour at the thought of a wedding, marriage, couples, ANYthing on that topic. You know the reasons behind that Only recently here have I even let a single thought on those things cross my mind for a split-second. Why? How? A single Godly man. I believe the Lord put him in my life to show me that all of my backwards and poisoned thinking was wrong. No one ever said marriage was easy - it's NOT! Although it is not always the absolute nightmare that I experienced. It was not fair for me to dump all men in that same horrifying boat and send it out to get lost in the sea. I have no idea what God's plans are for 'this man' and I ... but I thank HIM for nudging me ever so gently towards a new truth. Something I am still struggling to fully embrace, although at least I have seen a small glimmer. Sometimes I am so relieved when I am wrong Especially when the one who is showing me the 'right' is GOD!! PS- I often frequent your blog to listen to your music ... I love your playlist!