| | {fifteen}
today my kate turns fifteen.
and i had to just put some space around that sentence above so i could stare at it a minute..
it just looks so strange to me.
how can my baby, my first, be fifteen already?
most days i barely feel fifteen myself.
not in energy {wish i did}.. in maturity!
i think about where i was at fifteen.
my, how she's already surpassed me in so many ways!
and i just watch her life. watch, and learn.
from her depth and individuality. to her quiet strength and consistency.
people will say she looks like me. i don't see it. she is so her father through and through.
looks. personality. character. even his spirit.
every now and then i might see a slight resemblance to me in a smile or expression.
but really, she is so her own person. and i mean that more about what's inside her, that out.
she seems to have a good grasp on who she is. and most importantly, who she's not.
i don't see her living by her insecurities or trying to fit in.
she's quirky and cute and has this funky kind of artsy flare to her.
she likes putting a bandana round her head and painting. just one of her things. ;)
and each time i walk into her bedroom the walls seem to be ever shrinking behind her pictures and inspirational quotes.
i smile at the mess of it all.
she's a good friend. loyal and easy to be around.
a group of about 20 of them threw a surprise party for her last friday night..
i stood in the wings of the other room and watched, tears brimming my eyes.
she has some great friends. and i feel so blessed when i see others blessing my kids!
one of the things i admire most in kate is she's not snobby or exclusive.
she likes being friend's with everyone!
and looks, background, reputation.. those things don't matter to her.
she seems to have an eye for that one on the outskirts..
wanting to draw them in. win them over.
i feel there's always new faces popping up around our house because of her~
to me she has a genuine heart of hospitality.
where i'm all about things looking right before company can come.
she's just about the people.
she's working on being bold in sharing her faith more..
and that can be scary waters in the turbulent sea of high school.
one way she's found to do that is by inviting kids to youth at our church on tuesday nights.
i was telling her last night we might need to get a bigger van if she keeps it up though. we were packed out!!
she laughed and said she'd like that...
and wondered if it could be one of those big ones, like all her homeschool friends have! ;)
  
she's brings alot of joy to our family.
just so much vibrance and energy.
when she's not around it's a big hole.
i see it with the other kids too. how much they miss her when she's not here..
i love the relationships they have. each so unique and special.
i heard her telling emma yesterday, after emma had practiced her show & tell on her,
how proud she was of her and what a great job she was going to do!
emma was actually doing her show & tell about kate - which i found so sweet.
the teacher had assigned each of them a day and letter.
emma's happened to fall on the 10th and when i reminded her that was kate's birthday she lit right up..
"well, my letter is Tay {k} and so i'll do it about Tatie!!" :)
but of everything with kate i'm grateful for, i think the one that stands out most is just the
special relationship that God has built in the two of us~
i remember always hearing mothers and daughters talk about being best friends.
and of course, i wished for that with my daughter as well..
but, i admit, there was a time i had my doubts.
i felt we were so opposite. i didn't get her at all. nor she, me! and so there was lots of clashing.
it really wasn't until these last few years..
and i think especially, just this past summer, that i began to feel, really feel, what all those mothers had meant.
that suddenly here-
sitting up late as we watched a movie..or shopping together. or eating thai food...
discussing life from our lawn chairs on the beach or just laying by each other in her bed or mind, not saying a word..
here was not just my daughter, but a very best friend!
that realization in parenting is so precious.
and it just kinda creeps up on you. one day, all at once that shift.
and all those times of attitudes and frustration and tears..
who would have known from that, to this sweet fellowship and closeness!!
  
and in case you don't believe me after all the wonderful things i said above about her..
that there have been attitudes and frustration and tears..
let me tell you, oh, yes. there certainly has been!! on both our side!
and i'm guessing.. probably more to come.
we're not through this all yet!
it's not like it's done and somehow we've arrived in the land of no more problems.
i want to be careful in my praise of my girl to not act like she's perfect and without fault..
duh, i'm her mom! of course then she has faults!
someone asked in the comments on a recent post,
"how do you get kids like that? kids who love the Lord and desire to follow Him?"
my first response to that was, i really don't know.
oh, i know there are things we can do to guide and teach.. to of course, point them to Christ.
but with me, i just feel it's been learning from mistakes.
lots of, i was wrong will you forgive me's. and so much prayer!
i feel like i'm only now beginning to really see the power of prayer in our kids lives.
see. mistakes!! i'm learning.
and i'm not a great prayer warrior. but i want to be better.
i'm so thankful for grace.
and this. that fact that He is a REDEEMER!
i think of that so often in my parenting. thank you Father that you redeem~
recently when i came out of a dannah gresh session i seriously wanted to just sit in the floor and bawl my eyes out. i felt horrible. like, oh my goodness!! here i had let kate play with barbies growing up and watch hannah montana!!! and what about all that texting now and certain music choices? where in the world had my head been on some of this stuff? and my mind reeled with all i hadn't done. all i needed to do. and i was digging in my purse for my phone, wanting to call shayne and tell him to get started on it all right that very minute! {don't our husband's love it when we go to a conference like that!} and was it too late? and suddenly i was all panicky and wanting to rewind the tape about ten years. but... but now she's fifteen!! {or almost then}. FIFTEEN for crying out loud! and i can count on one hand the number of years we probably have left with her...
and as i walked and reeled and worried, i decided to do what any good christian mom would do..
i ran to the resource tables to find, you know, the magic formula to fix it all!!
cause surely in all the thousands of books written there's gotta be one, right?
and i picked up one after the other..
oh, here's one on dating.
hmm, what about this one on being a woman after God's heart?
or.. where's that one on modesty that she mentioned?
and after flipping through that one i was all, and sheesh! where in the world is a good susan bristol jumper when you need it!!! ;)
but as i felt my heart just kinda flop over in discouragement ..
these were the words i felt the Lord whisper down over me..
I Redeem.
and.. yes. you've made mistakes. and you'll make way more.
but as you follow me and teach her to do the same..
the parts you don't get. the parts you miss. the ones you mess up.
I COVER IT ALL!!
there is nothing so irreversible my grace cannot change.
and nothing so far gone my mercy cannot reach.
and as i parent. that comforts me.
and i pray, dear kate, you will always know His Redeeming Power in your life!
that no matter what. He is greater~
Happy 15th Birthday sweet girl.
{if you watch the video you might just want to turn the playlist off at the bottom first}
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| | Posted 10/10/2012 5:23 PM - 1213 Views - 62 eProps - 45 comments
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love that. David asked me recently "how did you and Dad do it?" as he sees we are different than others. I said, "God's grace, and we always have gone hard after God". So thankful we have a God who honors our hearts and HE does the good work!
