January 28, 2012

• {the in between parts}

  Shayne and I were out for a date one night this week~
  finding ourselves sitting in the parking lot of wal-mart. just talking.
  
  funny, I thought to myself…
  how many times in our marriage we’ve sat in random parking lots, talking just like that.

  it was a good talk. needed. to the point. stung a little.
  but another step towards reclaiming each others hearts-
  and just rediscovering what we felt we lost for awhile last fall..
  that desire and passion and fire to fight for our marriage no matter what.

  I think that’s one of the scariest place of all to be at in your marriage- 
  where you feel you’ve just lost the will to try. to want to try!

  But as I’ve felt that returning in the past few months, growing stronger like it once was..
  well..  only if you’ve ever felt that. been in that place will you fully understand the
  huge sense of gratefulness that just explodes in my heart every time I’m aware it’s there again~

  Like the other night, pulling away from that parking lot.
  just closer. more united. more determined than ever in our relationship.

  
  
  When I think of us, I think of that verse,
  “We went through fire and flood, but You have brought us out into a wealthy place…”

  And not that we’re fully “there” yet.
  I’m not writing this from the wealthy place -
  as if I’m standing here patting you all on the head like you’ll get there someday too.
  No. I’m writing this from the bringing out part. the coming out of the dark time we were in -
  we’re still in process here! but I’m glad.. glad God does indeed bring us out of those places.
  He has brought us out [this far] and will continue bringing us out still!! 

  
  
  I used to have this picture hanging in our room. [i sold it at a consignment store]
  “And they lived happily ever after…”
  but some times, in hard times, I would look at it and think, it’s not really as simple as that!
  the dot dot dot at the end kinda bugged me.
  like, yeah, fill in the blank. there’s more to it than that

  Truth is, there’s alot that happens in between the falling in love and happily ever after.

  So. when I spotted this other picture recently-
  it just spoke to me of all the in between parts that we can forget or let slide.
  to me it was the dot dot dot of the other picture.

  
  
  the things that we can let our selfishness smother out.
  the things Shayne and I had let our selfishness smother out!

  For us it wasn’t anything major and huge.
  it was just the million of tiny things that we stopped working on and making an effort in.

  
  
  Not that there’s really any magic list to follow to a problem free marriage-
  I know there’s many who would say, but I did those things…
  I tried my darndest and it didn’t work out for me like that.

  If only it were as simple as writing love letters and holding hands, eh.

  that’s the thing about marriage, it involves two people.
  and sadly, not always both want the same.

  And even though I don’t think there’s a way to guarantee a good marriage -
  I do know of the one who is THE WAY, and in Him we find our source of strength to keep on.

  and that applies whether married. divorced. widowed. single.

  there is no hope apart from Him! He’s got to be the foundation of every single area of our lives.
  especially our marriages. because there’s nothing holding it all together if He’s not the center…
  we can do everything we’re “supposed” to do in order to have a good marriage~
  but at the end of the day He’s the glue!
  and as Shayne and I are learning once again, the closer we are to Him. the closer we can be to each other.
  amazing how that works.

  in order to love better.. where else but through Him WHO IS LOVE! 

  
  
  But no matter where you find yourself in your marriage right now…
  it goes in ebbs and flows, doesn’t it?
  there are good times and tough times and scary times of being tempted to leave it all~
  and this is just my way of looking over at ya, with a squeeze of your hand saying, “don’t you give up, girl!!”
  keep on! you’re certainly not alone.

  We’re in the trenches of life together… all of us.
  battling the enemy that seeks in any way possible to destroy us. 
  And we can’t be afraid every now and then to voice a, “hey, over here. help!” if we feel we need it.

  that was a changing point for me last fall, when I finally said, “help! pray!” to those around me.

  We’re not meant to do this life all by ourselves!
  God created us for community. We need each other.

  

  I usually never have a problem sharing what’s going on in my life~
  but, this past year as Shayne and I have struggled in our marriage…
  that’s been the hardest thing ever for me to open up and be honest about.

  I think a big part of that is just pride.
  admitting I haven’t been the perfect, most selfless, godly wife.
  able to create this beautifully romantic world of wedded bliss for myself and my husband!! :/
  And it leaves me feeling so vulnerable – especially to write about it.
  Because there is a particular vulnerability that comes with the written word.

  It just lays there. uncovered. open for others interpretation.
  and always the insecurity, “what if they interpret it wrong?”

  But I’m learning, painfully, to let that insecurity go.
  That when God puts something on your heart to share, you share.

  Satan keeps us silent with the fear of worrying what others might think.
  God says simply. obey. leave the rest to me.

  I’m trying.      
   

  

  amber.

  • 11:25 am
  • 51 Comments