April 18, 2012

• {from a daughters heart}

  written sunday, april 15th, on my mom’s 62nd birthday.
  
  dear mom.
  
  thinking of you on the day your life began.
  of all your life has meant.
  of all the life it has given.

  
  
  and so often. with thoughts of you, follow this thought..
  simply. thank you.
  
  for allowing me to be me.
  for the acceptance I’ve always felt.
  even if it meant different views than you.
  I’ve never felt your love was conditional.
  thank you.
  
  for not trying to hold on to me.
  to control my life.
  but letting me go.
  and long before I ever moved 800 miles away.

  I’ve often envisioned these chords that cross from your heart to mine. holding them together.
  and that even without seeing me.. somehow, you just know when something is wrong.
  
  as if when my heart bends beneath the weight of life, that chord grows tighter. you feel the pull.
  
  I know this now. I have my own mother chords that pull and tug at my heart.
  
  thank you for teaching me that mothering is a long beautiful process of peeling away..
  of learning to release.
  holding just enough that security is felt.
  but loose enough that freedom is felt.
   
  thank you for making home a place I always want to come to.
  
  for creating a home not of designer style, but comfort and warmth.
  not a place to impress.but truly bless.
  thank you for being content with what you have.
  when you could have had more, you gave.
  when you could have bought bigger, you saw no need.
  and when you could have taken vacations and spa days and time to yourself..
  you bought clothes for the grandkids and help pay the rent checks for struggling newlyweds!
  thank you.
  
  for loving my dad how you have for 42 years.
  for standing by him so faithfully.
  and by standing by, I don’t mean merely because you said a few legally binding words.
  standing by because you want to.
  that there is where you find your greatest joy.

  
  
  thank you for showing me the happy side of marriage.
  for believing and praying and inspiring all your kids to have the same.
  
  thank you for never speaking a negative word about my dad.
  for not just building him up privately, in our home. but publicly.
  for serving along side of him for 35 years in ministry.
  
  serving, not because being a pastor’s wife was your choice, your first love.
  but because dad was. 

  
  
  
  you’ve shown me the power as wives we have to build up, or tear down. 
  and not just as wives. as mothers, sisters, daughters, friends.
  
  thank you being a woman’s woman.
  not caught up in competition or comparison,
  but free to cheer and encourage those around you.
  
  thank you for reminding me this journey is easier if we live as encouragers!
  
  that as women, we have the potential to BRING LIFE to others.
  to birth hope and breathe comfort.
  to not be silent, allowing our fears or insecurities, our shyness to hold us back.
  but opening our mouths and being vocal. allowing our words to strengthen. not destroy! 
  
  thank you for being vocal with your encouragement.
  
  I smiled as shayne told me the other day his favorite memory of you.
  when we were dating and had called things off for a time. no contact for 3 months.
  but how you snuck and called him, because you just had to know how he was okay.
  
  he said it was your call. your kindness and thoughtfulness, that lifted him from a dark time.
  
  thank you for being such a great mother in law.
  for knowing boundaries. for honoring us as our own family unit.
  for reminding me of respect and why I fell in love with this man to begin with,
  in times I’ve forgotten.
  
  thank you for always listening.
  for being my first real best friend.  
  and now, and only the older I get, do I realize just how much, my truest!
  
  thank you for showing me that life is so much bigger.
  our purpose so much deeper.
  
  thank you for growing old gracefully.
  for accepting the wrinkles and laughing at the slower pace.
  for being stylish but appropriate.
  for not being ashamed to be known as a grandma!
  
  thank you for not being a grumpy old lady.
  
  for laughing at yourself.
  for finding joy in simple things.

  
  
  
  thank you for helping me embrace motherhood.
  to not be afraid of making mistakes.
  for reminding me that grace is greater and forgiveness a healer.
  to give hugs often. and tight. to say, I love you.
  and not just merely with words. but with my face.
  to be careful of what my expressions, my attitudes, are communicating to my kids.
  
  thank you for showing me it’s not about trying so hard to get it all perfect.
  but loving hard, and clinging to the only one perfect!
  
  thank you for telling me that time with my kids is far more important than time anywhere else.
  that the computer is a time stealer, and someday, I might regret the exchange.
  thank you for speaking truth in a way I hear it. in a way that never makes me feel condemned.
  
  thank you for reminding me you didn’t have blogs and pinterest when we as kids were growing up.
  that there weren’t alot of fancy creations and themed birthday parties.
  no homemade kites from pillow cases and sandwiches shaped like boats!
  but we had fun.
  
  we laughed. and talked. and read books.
  you let me stand next to you and put the flour in the cookies.
  I never took dance lessons, but the hours you would watch me twirl.
  I never played on any organized sports teams, but the time spent playing games!
  
  I don’t look back at childhood with one ounce of regret, or feeling somehow I missed out.
  I don’t remember alot of what we did, to be honest. I just remember we were together. 
  
  and I remember your hands often smelled like onions when you tucked me in at night.
  
  thank you for reminding me it’s things like tucking my kids in that they’ll probably remember most.
  
  thank you for being our mom.
  for never trying to mother like someone else said you should.
  but for mothering your way. in the best way you could.
  
  thank you for making me feel that mothering was always one of your favorite things to do.
  
  thank you for being the kind of mom I could write a letter like this to.
  I hope someday my kids will write a similar letter to me.

  
  
  happy birthday mom.
  i love you.
  
  
  amber.
  

  • 10:38 pm
  • 34 Comments