May 7, 2012

• {just married}

  
  
  i’m writing now from a hotel in wheeling, west virginia~
  set on the top of a hill, looking out over the mountains beyond.
  the window is open. and I can see the town below grow darker as more and more lights go out.
  
  the room is a navy blue and seafoam sort of green.
  a cool kind of vibe and modern.
  there’s a little blue chair in the corner with this funky square pattern on it.
  i admit i had the fleeting thought of wondering if it would fit in my trunk.
  actually, i already know it wouldn’t. and i’m afraid strapping it to the roof would just be too obvious!
  
  so i guess i’ll leave the little blue chair where it is.
  i’m sure future guests will thank me when they sit here,
  looking out over the little town below. the mountains beyond. and enjoy.
  
  emma is long asleep in the bed in the other room.
  i can see her through the door. or, atleast the top of her head.
  the rest of her is buried beneath the thick comforter and mounds of pillows all around.
  
  my mind can’t let me rest just yet.
  and so here i am. to process. to record.

  thinking of yesterday.
  
  and the fact that i always cry at weddings.
  i just do.
  
  i think even if i didn’t know the people getting married at all..
  and just happened to be passing by and look in the window and watch from the outside..
  i would still cry!
  
  to me. weddings seem the climax of every good emotion.
  the epitome of the deepest of feelings.
  when you join your life to another – till.death.do.you.part.
  
  what could be more exhilarating and terrifying all mixed into one indescribable, glorious way!
  
  i’ve never skydived before, but i imagine the emotions to be much like that.
  the, shut your eyes real tight. let out a loud scream. hold on for dear life. and just jump!
  the free fall that sends your heart to your throat –
  but the comfort of the parachute that opens to soften the landing.
  
  i sat yesterday and listened..
  listened as a girl i knew from when she was only interested in horses;)
  took that leap of faith with the love of her life~

  
  
  i hear her words. her face. glowing. eyes locked in his. so full of promise. of hope.
  that tiny tremble of the unknown and yet, complete confidence their love will conquer the world.
  
  i’m sure they feel no one has ever felt what they do. had what they had.
  and it’s true.
  no one can. and no one does.
  it’s theirs~ their love.
  unique. individual. special. tailored to only fit them.
  
  and i listened. and watched. and wiped tears. floods of memories poured in.
  as if the haze of the chandeliers cast the figures in a fog and it was me standing there. shayne beside me.
  and i could hear my own words. from all those years ago.
  even feel my heart quicken at the rush of feeling.
  and i shut my eyes for a brief minute and whispered something to the Lord like,

  “how i needed this reminder. help me remember more often…”
  
  the love. the feeling. the emotions. the nervousness. the freshness.
  the way our eyes looked. our hands held.
  all that so filled me. so overwhelmed me. that made me willing to give all, to be all his.
  
  i need to remember what i vowed.
  
  i’ve forgotten so many times along the way.
  when self and flesh and questions of God clouded what i once promised.
  
  but. though the tough times try our vows. they do not change them.
  
  and it’s in those times we need to cling to them most.
  “in the good that may lighten our days, and in the bad that may darken our way..”
  
  to remember we once said, i will love you through it all.
  
  i came all this way to watch a wedding. and it was beautiful and perfect. as all weddings are!
  but. i came away with a even more precious wedding on my mind – my own.
  
  and as i left the reception early to meet up with some friends in the area,
  i passed the groom’s car as i pulled out..
  the big sign of just married across the back.
  
  i stopped for a minute and looked at it. even pulled my camera out and took a picture.
  it made me smile. the sign. the cans tied on the bumper.
  that proud declaration to the world what you’ve done.

  
  
  
  but as i drove away i couldn’t help but think how those words weren’t only for newlyweds.
  they are just married because they chose to be.
  and everyday we have that choice too.
  to be, just married.
  
  committing daily to take the words we recited on a platform before hundreds
  and live them out in our lives before a simple audience of two. God. and our husband.
  because commitment is far more than wearing a fancy dress. lighting a candle and signing a piece of paper –
  commitment is a choice each and every day to be. to stay. just married.
  and not “just” as in a boring, same old kind of way.
  but just as in a fresh and alive and ever growing kind of way~

  i want to be that kind of just married every day!

  and though there’s part of me that feels all silly and 8th grader-ish to say I have butterflies to think of seeing him day after tomorrow.
  that’s okay. to feel silly and 8th grader-ish. it’s how it should be. and I’m glad to feel that.
  those butterflies had flown away for a time, and to have them back…
  well, those of you that have them know what I mean.
  and those of you that don’t.. yes. you know even more.
  
  so tonight, far from home, I’m reminded once more..
  as I have been many times throughout these 15 years-
  wherever that man of mine is – is my home!
  and i’m looking forward to being there again.
  
  “I do” are the two most famous last words
  The beginning of the end
  But to lose your life for another I’ve heard
  Is a good place to begin
  
  ‘Cause the only way to find your life
  Is to lay your own life down
  And I believe it’s an easy price
  For the life that we have found
  
  
  {stop playlist to listen}

  amber.

  • 1:14 am
  • 32 Comments