June 15, 2012

• {and just like that things are put in perspective}

  
  
  It’s the kind of call you never want to get as a parent.
  Hearing your oldest on the other side, breathless. frantic…
  saying in gasping words something about Emma falling from a tree. her head on a rock. blood everywhere.
  
  I try to give a few instructions about making sure she’s coherent and getting a wet washcloth on the wound.
  Shayne’s already spinning the van around in the middle of the highway. date night cut short. neither of us caring.
  Suddenly I hate date nights and wish I had been there and why had we gone in the first place. and now, so far away. though not really.
  but it seems things move in slow motion and I think every single old person and cautious driver in the world is out at that moment!
  why that moment!! in front of us. keeping us from getting to her.
  
  And I physically hold my hand to my heart as if I can keep it from beating out of my chest.
  Oh, the anticipation. worry. not really knowing. it’s almost as brutal as the knowing.
  
  Shayne crosses double yellow lines and I try to mouth, “i’m sorry” as we pass. “emergency at home.”
  and a few times I wonder if we’ll even get there alive ourselves…
  but that’s what you do as parents, right.
  give no regard for your own life if you feel your child’s is in jeopardy.
  
  We turn onto our road, after what was the longest trip down highway 26 ever.
  I undo my seat belt, wanting so out of that van..
  and as I see the house, and Ben on the front porch, I whisper to Shayne,
  “funny how just like that. in an instant. everything is put into perspective.”
  
  And as I rush up the steps and into the house I’m not thinking for a second of what has occupied my mind the last several days.
  of what I’ve complained about. whined about. had a bad attitude about. questioned God about.
  No. in that moment I could care less about jobs and money and future plans.
  of where we live and whether we buy or rent.
  of my stove with the hole in the top or the grass seed that won’t take over the bare spot in the back…
  All I want is to see my baby girl. to know she’s okay. that’s all that matters.
  
  those are the things that should always matter.
  
  Because those are the things that are eternal. people. only.
  all this other stuff is just that. STUFF.
  and why.. why do I forget so easily and get so tangled up in it?
  the things of this world.. what we spend our time chasing and pursuing and wanting, does not satisfy.
  there is not lasting peace and it does not bring fulfillment.
  Who cares what your home looks like and if your entire back yard is nothing but dirt!
  It’s people that should occupy our mind. take our time. what we are most concerned about.
  caring and having a heart for others -that’s where it’s at.

  
  
  And, Lord. how it should begin in our homes!
  
  May I not forget the intensity of which I needed to know my kids were okay.
  of caring for them. of being aware of each one standing there, gathered around Emma.
  of their emotions. their feelings. even baby. tugging at my skirt, wanting to be held. wanting to be a part.
  
  Yes. sometimes it’s all so overwhelming.
  all needing you and for different reasons.
  one tugging this way. one tugging that way.
  But these are the souls we’ve been entrusted with..
  and as moms we can only do the role we’ve been given well, when we keep the right perspective.
  when we do what we do with eternity in mind.~
  
  My neighbor was here when we got home. holding frozen green beans on Emma’s head.
  and I’ve never been more grateful to have neighbors in all my life.
  Her name is Amber too and she’s calm around blood, unlike this Amber, who isn’t!
  
  As she and Shayne searched through Emma’s blood matted hair for where the wound actually was,
  I talked to Emma and heard her little voice so shaky and scared.
  and when I saw her tears, my own welled up.
  reaching for my head and feeling, literally, the hurt she was.
  
  I’m sure all moms know what I’m talking about.
  
  and bless her heart. and Kate and Ben’s for that matter..
  when she first came in, they thought her hand was bleeding and told her to hold a washcloth on it,
  but then couldn’t figure out the growing pool of blood at her feet until they turned her around and saw her head!
  needless to say. they felt awful.
  
  She ended up not needing stitches. the wound clotted and was healing over within the hour. amazing things these bodies of ours!
  What concerned us more was her complaining of her back hurting.
  She was hanging upside down from a branch when she fell. landing flat on her back, and striking her head on a rock.
  The nurse who saw her said we were to watch the area where the bruising was for any swelling, since it’s right over her kidney.
  
  and we were to wake her up every few hours in the night in case of concussion.
  I’m afraid I woke her up about every hour. and slept little in between myself.
  my mind bouncing back and forth  between prayers of thanksgiving and all the “what if’s”…
  which your mind tends to do in circumstances like that.
  if only a little more this way. if only the front of her head, not the back.
  and then the what if’s only lead to more prayers of thanksgiving!
  
  Of course I’m already thinking, no more tree climbers in this family!
  or, investing in a lifetime supply of bubble wrap to pad them all up good and tight.
  
  But then. I’m reminded there are Hands way more capable than mine.
  A Grip much stronger. and we can assure our kids, that there… there is a safe place to fall. 
  
  “the eternal God is our dwelling place. and underneath are the everlasting arms.” deut. 33:27
  
  

  amber.

  • 1:20 pm
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