September 14, 2012

• {finding your heart}

  dear emma~

  the sun was just peeking through your blinds casting a light over your face as i walked into your room early wednesday morning.
  i stood, just for a minute, looking down at you. all so quiet. you so still.
  memories begin flipping through my mind and i can’t help but to wonder, how has she gotten this big already?

  i reach and gently shake your arm, whispering down, “time to wake up.”
  in an instant your eyes spring open, a huge grin spreading out on your face.
  you seem to have always woken up this way. cheerful. excited. ready.

  “you know what today is…” i ask, as i pull up the blind.

  you grin bigger.

  “today’s your seventh birthday!”

  you sit up on your knees, nearly bouncing, and say all animatedly like,
  “i know. i tan feel myself turning seben RIGHT DIS MINUTE!”

  then, that little shy side catches you, as it does when you react maybe more than you planned,
  and you bury your head down in the covers. peeking out with a smile.
  
  my smile matches yours. and i think of all the smiles you’ve brought us.
  you’ve no idea how many. you probably never really will.
  maybe.. maybe someday if you have a little girl of your own, you’ll know then.
  
  

  you have one of the sweetest hearts i have ever known.
  your daddy and i are amazed, so often, by it.
  we’ll look at each other when we’ve seen you do something or say something kind to someone else,
  and if you wonder what we’re thinking, we’re thinking,
  “where did this kid come from?”
  because we feel the huge heart you have has nothing to do with us!
  you were born with it. placed right inside you by God. i really believe that..
  no doubt in my mind He has plans for your sensitivity to others.
  your compassion and the way you notice the underdogs. the hurting. the ones maybe no one else notices.

  and ya know, i know these last few weeks since starting school have been really tough.
  but i also know that it’s these tough times that will grow that sweet, sensitive heart of yours even bigger.
  if you let the things that hurt you, cause you to understand the hurt of others, then every hard time is worth it.
  you don’t see that now. i don’t even see that now. but it’s true.
  because God uses everything to pull us to Himself.
  to teach us that He’s enough~ and because of that, we have hope. and hope to offer others.

  our hope doesn’t come from anything else other than knowing Who controls our life! 
  
  i have seen that hope strengthened in you these last weeks.
  pushing past your fears. and even with tears, walking through new and unfamiliar doors.
  doors that hold on the other side people who need the hope of Jesus.
  you’re young. you might wonder what difference you can make.
  let me tell you,  you do and you are!
  i look at the difference you’ve made in our own home.
  and i know you carry that light with you wherever you go.

  
  
  

  there’s still lots of growing to do. for me too.
  the growing up stuff never really stops.

  but i know for us both, as we continue on this journey of learning, we’re going to make it.
  we’re going to be okay.
  because, as we’ve been talking about every day, as i draw that little heart on your hand -
  it’s about Him in us!

  and this morning as you held out your hand to me and said with a smile, “where’s my heart…?”
  and once again i traced the faded outline, i thought to myself, you are finding your heart, your true heart…
  because you’re finding it in Him.
  and i’m just so proud of you. so in love with you. and so thankful for who are you, and who you are becoming.

  my prayer, sweet one, is that someday when i’m no longer there to draw hearts on your hand, your life will still show, that through it all, and in it all, and no matter what, you are HIS.

  
  
  and on your special day, after doughnuts for breakfast and balloons flying out our sun roof!
  of pretend nail salons and laughing at ‘diary of a wimpy kid’ snuggled on the couch.
  of a fun dinner with just daddy and i, and a long drawn out circling of the candy store to pick out seven things..
  three of which you gave your brother and sisters when we got home.
  and finally, and a good conclusion to it all, one giant slushie with every color they had all mixed together,
  and you in the back seat, leaning forward and beaming,

  “you duys are my favorite parents ever!”

  and in that moment,and all the millions of other ones leading up to it, we smile and thank God for the GIFT of you!!

  happy birthday dear emma!

  ****

  just a slideshow of more of the pictures documenting her 7th year.
  and the song i chose to go with it was our favorite one this summer to listen to at the beach..
  we’d dance around and act all silly and i’m sure those watching thought, “weird people!”
  remember {though i’m sure you know the drill by now} if you watch, gotta turn off the playlist at the bottom.

  i want to say too, for those of you who’ve read here for years..
  who’ve watched my kids growing up from across the screen,
  sharing in this journey with me and cheering me {and them} on~
  thank you! it has meant so much. truly.

  
  

  • 5:23 pm
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