January 10, 2013

• {another artist in the house}

  

  emma ran up to me as soon as i walked in the door last night.
  “oh.. something really bad happened!”
  which you never know exactly how to take that as a mom.
  “yes?” i said hesitantly. “what is it?”
  she starts to answer, then throws her hand over her mouth.
  “i just can’t say it!”
  she holds out her hand. “i’ll have to show you.”

  i take it and follow her upstairs.
  amazing the scenarios that cross your mind in moments like that.
  i’m picturing kate trapped under her dresser that’s fallen over on her.
  ben’s finger sliced off from his knife.
  reese’s head stuck between the rungs of her crib.

  emma points, “there!”
  i see a thin black line on one of the doors.
  and i admit i sigh a sigh of relief.
  “reese got a marker?”
  “yes!” emma announces more loudly than necessary, with obvious relief the secret’s finally out.

  i think she was feeling a certain responsibility because only days earlier i had made an executive decision that all markers were hereby banned from this house.
  when my kids had asked till when i told them till they had a house of their own!!
  i hate those things!
  crayons can do the job just fine.

  but apparently in our marker confiscating we’d missed one.
  or, more likely, emma stashed a few. hence the personal interest in her sister’s artistry.

  i was about to tell her it was fine when my eye caught sight of something else..
  the next door. then the next. and the next. and around the wall. down the hall. into my bedroom..
  across my white bedspread. over my white nightstand. all around my new lamp and shade…
  back to the wall. the closet door. the wall. down to the carpet. the carpet. the carpet…
  and finally ending on the door to the bathroom!! !

  

  i stood for a minute and felt my mind turn a circle following the inked trail.
  i took in a deep breath and closed my eyes -
  trying to forget how much i loved my new silver lamp {steal of a deal} from t.j.maxx for seven bucks.
  seven bucks isn’t much. but that’s what made it even more beautiful!!
   
  i begin to assess the damage.
  what MIGHT come off. what could be creatively hidden.
  i think a mom somewhere should write a book about decorating out of the basic necessity of having kids in the home..
  you could call it, Big Ideas for Small Damages.or something like that!

  i wondered if the lines around the wall could be turned into words.
  you know, scripture verses, inspirational sayings?
  i’d have to give that one a day or two though cause the words forming at that moment weren’t exactly ones i’d want in permanent marker on my wall!!

  shayne walked in and in his ever laid back attitude smiled.
  “well.. apparently we have another artist!”
  at first i was like, “wha..?”

  then it all came flooding back. ~

  yes. that morning.. how many years ago was that now?
  waking up to excited little kate telling me, “i made da sun, mommy. tum see… tum see.”
  sleepily following her anxious tug to the living room, where there on our newly installed mushroom colored carpet-
  huge black marker “rays” streaked from the area rug in the middle! 
  it was the sun alright. apparently during an eclipse!
  and it’s dark shadows cast all the way up the surrounding walls.

  and then ben. i can’t even recount all he did with markers.
  even ate a few i’m sure!
  and emma. always my little artist. made her first canvas from my walls.

  as i stood there with these memories playing through my mind suddenly i realized how this episode with reese
  wasn’t as important as i felt i was almost about to let it be.~
  it didn’t matter. and wouldn’t matter.
  had it mattered with the other kids? had it altered my life one iota?
  such a tiny blip in the huge scheme of things.

  something at the time i had gotten uptight about, now barely remembered.

  i doubt i thought then that someday i’d practically forget..
  and how often i wish i could go back and parent again with the perceptive i have now~

  but that’s the beauty of this journey. the redemption.
  i can’t go back, but i can move ahead..
  taking each step with a more careful wisdom and grace.

  

  and so i flipped the bedspread over. planned a day this summer we could re paint the upstairs wall.
  and went to google stain removers. {have any good ones? write em down, girls!}

  my response to my kids in things just like this are way more permanent than markers…
  and long after old stuff is replaced and traces of tiny hands covered and all just a faint memory- what really stays behind are the words i speak.
  the power i have to make them life giving, or life damaging.

  and i don’t always choose as i should. but last night when i did i realized once again..
  the kids aren’t the only ones growing up in this house!

  thank you Father, for your patience with me as your child!
  for consistently, lovingly guiding me in the way i should go.
  i’m convinced mothering is way more about what YOU are teaching me, than anything i could ever teach them! 
   
  

  when i asked reese this morning where she found the marker she looked at me a little confused..
  then replied matter of factly -

  “at da vol mart.”

  yes.. you would be right if you’re thinking she speaks with a bit of a dutch accent! 

  
  
  aw. little rascal! love her so. 

  amber.

  • 3:36 pm
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