February 14, 2013

• {birthdays. getting older. and a list of 39 for my 39th}

  
  
  when i was at my parents house a few weeks ago, while i was getting ready in the bathroom one morning i found myself thinking of all the times through the years i had stood there, in that very spot, just like that.. 

  thirteen, and leaning in close to examine the newest pimple. certain my life was over!
  sixteen, applying make up and hoping dad wouldn’t say it was too much.
  eighteen, checking my navy blue suit one last time before leaving to travel on a team with our home school organization…
  {where i would end up meeting my husband.. but wouldn’t know that for years still to come – that he was husband!}
  twenty, and staring in the mirror blinking back tears, regret over stupid choices and knowing i needed to go out and tell my parents some hard stuff.
  then twenty two, my wedding morning!! standing there for hours curling every single strand of hair to pile high on my head.
  and that same year, on a visit home, seeing a different image looking back. bloated. swollen. pregnant! 
  and soon, little ones that could barely see over the countertop.
  to now, my own teenage girl standing there next to me, getting ready, same as i always did.

  and i shook my head inwardly at it all. the soberness and even humor of it striking me.
  how when you’re young you just never really think ahead to this point in life. 
  that there even is such a thing as 39, and 40? that was always my parents age.
  
  it all seems rather forever away until days like that one when you find yourself standing in front of old childhood mirrors and see it lined up before you that way.

  suddenly this realization of all these years. all this life that’s already passed. 

  
  
  but i don’t talk about any of that with remorse. i’ve loved this life! it’s been good.
  it doesn’t bother me at all to get older. it never really has.
  oh, i don’t like the shifting body parts or deeper lines around the eyes.

  my girlfriends and i will hold our faces back on the sides and say, “here’s what we used to look like!”

  but i wouldn’t want to rewind the tape.
  i wouldn’t want to go back to “looking like what i was.”
  though more weathered and worn there is a contentment now..
  a settling that has come only by the years passed through.

  like this slow building calm that continues to grow the more i learn who i am, and more importantly, who i am IN CHRIST!

  
  
  
  
  and so as the last door to my 30′s opens i want to walk through it with hope…
  not dread or fear of the unknown. of more wrinkles. or getting older!
  but with passion and abandon to whatever this new year holds.

  i think of these words often, from a favorite hymn..
  “His grace has led me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”

  yes. that’s it exactly.

  amazing grace!

  and may i never lose that amazement~
  how an extraordinary God like Him could have such a great big heart for someone just.like.me!

  “for He loves us with unfailing love, the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever.
  He is my God and i will praise Him…” ps. 117

  “the Lord is trustworthy in all He promises and faithful in all He does.” ps.145
  
  
  
  
  a few nights ago i decided to sit down and write out 39 things to remember and seek to live in my 39th year~
  some notes to myself if you will.
  the list ended up being much longer than 39 but here’s some of the ones i pulled from it…

  1. Be someone others like to be around
  2. Take pictures – and lots!
  3. Don’t just say, “love you.” Personalize it and add, “I.”
  4. A little lipstick and mascara is always a good idea.
  5. Not everyone is going to like you – it’s okay. Focus on the ones that do!  
  6. Beauty really is as beauty does.
  7. Be the loudest cheerleader your kids hear – trust me, others are cheering them on too.. and not always in the right direction.
  8. Your mother in law is not out to get you. Make her your friend!
  9. A content heart makes a happy home.
  10. Be a girls girl. Embrace the women around you.
  11. You’re going to get old. Do it with grace!
  12. The best way to answer a critic is not at all – just live! Let your life do the speaking
  13. Having STUFF does not make you happy!
  14. Look for the good.
  15. Most arguments aren’t worth it.
  16. Make your husband glad to come home.
  17. Don’t live life looking back – the past has brought you to today and made you who you are.
  18. God’s Word is the worldview we need!
  19. Let the applause you seek come from above you, not around you. 
  20. If you think something good about someone, tell them!
  21. There’s a story behind everyone. 
  22. Don’t let diet and exercise control your life – eat that piece of cake. Occasionally, eat the whole thing!
  23. Nothing on facebook is as important as the faces in your home.
  24. Complaining never changes anything.
  25. Be kinder than necessary.
  26. Nothing can meet your needs like Jesus!  and nothing includes people.
  27. Be able to laugh at yourself.
  28. Sit down every night for dinner together- even if it’s just mac-n- cheese {again!} it’s the conversation the kids will remember, not the food!
  29. Choosing not to forgive has consequences – many of them show up on your face!
  30. Words are easy, actions are hard.
  31. Make time for God – even if it’s in the bathroom.
  32. Listen.
  33. Let your kids know you’re happy to see them. {words, optional}
  34. People are thinking about you far less then you think they are- pointless to worry over something that’s only speculation.
  35. Be open about your insecurities – it’s what keeps us relatable.
  36. Your kids need to know you love their dad
  37. Don’t wait for your house to be perfect before having people over – if it’s perfect, they probably won’t want to come anyway.
  38. God.is.enough.God.is.enough.God.is.enough.God.is.enough.God.is.enough. {memorize it!}  
  39. Let others know they matter!

  
  
  ****

  i wrote this early yesterday morning but never got a chance to get it up..
  the day was so full from beginning to end.

  i had really purposed to go into this birthday with no expectations..
  expectations just end up robbing you of any joy you could have gotten regardless.
  and i had to smile last night realizing it turned out to be one of the best!

  shayne took all the kids to school and then reese out for the morning so i could have some alone time.
  i love that. being in my house, just me. i mean, when does that ever happen really, right?
  then i went to have lunch with what i thought was just two of my girlfriends..
  turns out it was all of my girlfriends {minus one that went into labor and had a baby!} and a surprise party for me!
  
  i’m not an easy person to surprise, so the fact that they did made it all even more exciting!
  though i’m still not sure if i should be disturbed by the fact that i have friends that are such good liars!  
  then it was home for a bit, hearing all about the kids school days.. them “secretly” trying to make my cards and get my gifts together.
  and heading out for dinner at my favorite thai restaurant and then on to ben’s hockey game later that night.

  i think my heart and stomach felt equally full yesterday!

  so blessed and grateful for the people God has put in my life~

  
  
  so bring on this last year of the 30′s. i’m ready to do it!!!

  thanks to kate and ben for the pictures.
  that’s the problem with having birthday photo shoots with your kids all these years..
  the time comes when they reverse the role and say, “mom, your turn!”

  very fun though and i’m sure someday i’ll laugh and sigh, same as i did that morning at mom’s, looking back years from now remembering my 39th.

  and my grandkids.. they’ll probably just wonder why i wore those hideous yellow boots!

  

  “His faithfulness never fails. it endures forever and is exceeding.” ps. 119
  

  ♥ amber.

  • 12:02 pm
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