December 6, 2011

• {slowing down}
  
  a few weeks ago on a warm fall day, the girls and I walked down to the corner convenient store for a bit of chocolate!
  
  on the way home, I turned and said to Emma who was a few steps behind,

  “hurry up, baby. come on…”
  
  she skipped a step or two trying to catch up while taking a bite of her chocolate bar.
  then saying with mouth full, ” are we wait for sum fing?”
  
  “are we late for something?” I repeated, making sure I had the proper interpretation.
  
  I glanced back as I asked, and saw her nod her head yes.
  
  “no. we’re not late for anything. why?”
  
  “betause you’re walking weally fast.”
  
  I started to say, no I’m not, when kate interjected-

  “mom just always walks fast… like she’s late for something.”
  
  I looked at her with wrinkled forehead.

  “no. I don’t… do I?”

  **
  
  I’ve thought of that afternoon walk alot since then. 
  And I catch myself often, feeling rushed. feeling in a hurry.
  even when I’m not!
  
  On Thanksgiving day everyone had already went through the line..
  baby was in her high chair eating quietly,
  all my responsibilities were taken care of for the moment, and yet -
  as I got my food alone in the kitchen I found myself rushing!
  rushed to get my food. rushed to eat it. rushed to find the tums soon after from indigestion!

  my dad came in at one point and I stopped and laughed to him,
  
  “ya know. even when there’s no need to hurry, I still am.
  it’s like I don’t know how to operate any other way… ”
  
  “I think it’s part of being a mom,” he answered.
  
  and yeah. I’m sure it is. Leisure time isn’t exactly always high on the priority list, right.
  
  But. I don’t want to be that hurried, frazzled, always walking too fast mama! I want to be the calm, relaxed one.
  and I don’t just mean the forced phony smile covering a heart that’s screaming and stressed inside –
  I mean a heart that though every other person around me is screaming and everything seems nothing but stress, there.is.peace.

  like the kind that passes understand peace! 

  
  
  
  
  
  

  his name was Gus. doesn’t he just look like a Gus?
  
  Of course there will always be one more thing that needs done, that has to be done~
  but I want to learn better how to just slow down! to not live in such a rush.
  
  especially during this of all seasons!
  
  I found when I got home last week, I immediately felt behind in getting up the christmas decorations~
  behind from what I don’t know…
  other than it seemed everyone else in the world already had theirs up {for weeks!}
  And then, when I got my first Christmas card in the mail –
  that near sent me over the edge!
  
  I wanted to get it all done. and, like yesterday!!

  
  

  finally attempted last night at putting some cards together ~ i never have any idea what i’m going to do until i start doing it 

  
  

  a baby tree just her size
  
  Soon I was overwhelmed and grouchy..
  barking out orders, showing my bad attitude, and rushing about in all directions.
  {cue the music from Wizard of Oz where the Wicked Witch is riding her bicycle!}

  Because, come on! The house has got to get done and look all festive and pretty so we can hurry up and start making wonderful holiday memories so that someday the kids will look back with all these warm fuzzies over all our magical Norman Rockwell moments!!
  
  But, kinda ironic that in the midst of trying to create “happy moments” I can end up doing the exact opposite~

  it’s supposed to be the time of year, out of all the year, when it’s all about love.joy.peace.and good cheer…
  but sometimes those aren’t the words that I would use to describe my home. :/

  For me to slow down it usually means letting go of some things  …
  
  So. if the tree still isn’t decorated, and we might not finish our advent book till January.. oh, well!
  I’d rather my kids remember a slower, calmer version of mom.
  Even if it means there’s no homemade gingerbread houses with elaborate iced roofs and candied walkways.
  
  It’s hard when busyness seems the slogan of our generation.
  It’s just what we all do.. run around like chickens with our heads cut off.
  Everyone you talk to is busy.busy.busy.
  Sometimes it can’t be helped..
  sometimes you just have to throw the baby in with the stinky diaper and change her once you get to the hockey game!
  Sometimes you have to run through McDonald’s and try to buy the healthiest thing you can from the value menu.
  
  But sometimes too you have to learn to say, no.
  Sometimes you have to learn to simplify..
  your Christmas cards. your gift giving. your expectations on yourself.
  Maybe you shouldn’t try to make sugar cookies for every single person in your church!

  those are some of the obvious, easier choices.
  
  But sometimes you have to be willing to make the harder ones too..
  ones others might not understand, and maybe your own kids won’t even like.
  but for the sake of your family, and everyone’s sanity, it’s what is needed.
  
  that’s where we’re at.. since the kids started school, just feeling everyone is a bit scattered and spread out and what’s left is not a whole lot of time for just us. our own little family.

  I’m all for the kids being involved in sports and such. I love them having friends and spending time with them~ but how quickly do those things become the god in their lives? There’s such a delicate balance between letting them go, but also knowing when to rope them in.

  We’re still learning that balance..   

  and I get it in my kids because I’m the same.
  I rush and hurry and spazz and live frazzled because I want to do everything..
  it’s tough to give in and turn loose. to keep priorities in check. and the important, important!

  

  

  easy-peasy little thing filled with  fun stuff for us to do together each night~ each mitt has two, since there are only 12

  
  

  

  
  
  
  but most importantly I have to ask- is this how God desires us to live?
  too busy rushing through life to actually enjoy LIVING life!
  too busy doing it all that we don’t pay attention to the most crucial areas~
  that even our attempt to get it all done can blind us from what is right here. right in front of us?   
  
  Slowing down might look different for everyone.
  maybe letting go. learning to say no. or yes. simplifying. cutting back. cutting out.
  just knowing when it’s time to hunker down with those in your own house and be still

  
  
  
  

  
  
  

  for me yesterday, it was something as simple as letting the little girls ride in one of those big honkin car carts at Lowe’s…
  you know the ones! that stick out for half a mile and don’t ever seem to push straight!
  
  For sure it made our quick run in {for those christmas lights for the tree} take twice as long –
  but the giggles of delight from both reminded my hurried feeling heart that these are the kinds of things they’ll remember…
  the kinds of things I want them to remember –

  that they had a mom who knew how to slow down. breathe. relax a little…
  and walk a little less quickly through the aisles of Lowe’s, pushing that big honkin car cart!
  
  
  

  ·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
  (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber

  • 11:33 pm
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