December 19, 2012
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{being okay to let it go}
i was in the middle of writing a post about not getting everything done this christmas~
like.. sending.. out.. cards! {there. i finally said it outloud}
though really, i’m secretly still trying to come up with a brilliant plan to make the 85 i usually do…
get them addressed. mailed. and sitting all unrushed looking in mailboxes by monday!!
when a friend sent me this link –
assuring me if the owner of a custom card company wasn’t sending cards, i shouldn’t fret over it either!
so i thought you could just read her words instead and imagine my voice in it’s place.
same exact everything.. right down to the health nut best friend.except we did take family pics because hey, that’s in our wedding contract ya know…
husband will take family christmas photos each year happily and without complaint.
running back to the van after our pictures because we were freezing. i think shayne might actually be skipping!
but letting go of some things is hard, isn’t it.i struggle with it alot at the holidays because i have this vision in my mind of how it’s all supposed to go down~
and to me it seems so simple.
like, there’s absolutely no reason in the world why it shouldn’t all go according to plan.
i just forget minor details- like the fact there’s only so much time in each day.
and energy. and money. and kids that don’t always have Elf like attitudes..
“smiling is my favorite.”i think all of us as women know we can’t do it all!
but that doesn’t keep us from trying.
or comparing to those women who seem to.trust me, if there’s someone who looks like she is, there’s something slipping-
even if it’s just her sanity! {raises hand}like the other night when we had a party and several commented on how my house always seems so neat and tidy..
i laughed and told them to look in the van on the way out –
that’s where they’d find the dirty dishes i didn’t have time to wash.
or go check the storage room downstairs to see the baskets of laundry.
that’s how i clean when company comes… shove it all where it can’t be seen..so be cautious what closet door you open when you come to visit!
in the end, i doubt my kids will remember how clean the house was.
or the year we didn’t send christmas cards.
or make cookies from scratch.
or have a gingerbread house that stood up for longer than 5 seconds.they’ll remember me.
what kind of attitude i had.
and if i crush their spirit because i’m cranky i can’t get the bow to look just right on top of a present..
or the kitchen is a mess..
or i need to make/glue/cut/tie/address one more christmas card..
what the heck does it matter if i get it all done and miss the very thing i should be doing most!so.. i’m learning to be okay to let some things go.
and make sure what slips isn’t the something i’ll someday regret.
our gingerbread house attemptwhat’s some things you’re letting go of this holiday season? {please someone else say cards!}
Comments (45)
I’m not visiting ANY of MY Family. I’m kind of bummed about it, but there’s just no way it can happen. NO money for me to go there and none for them to come here. Why couldn’t one of us have ended up loaded? Sheez.
Oh, none of my gifts have bows. They’re wrapped, but no bows.
No outdoor lights.
I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think right now.
less is more. less is MORE!
this, is my current motto and i’m embracing it in so many areas and finding so much MORE reason for things that matter!!
love you girl! even if you don’t send me a Christmas card!
My wife never insisted on certain things, but Christmas just has lots of things anyway. Never before or since have I seen any person any age more excited and happy than she at this time of year!
The things I struggle most to let go are:
Certain lost opportunities: namely a few pieces of land I bought for us to live on, and worked hard to try to pay for, only to have to sell them when my wife wouldn’t support my efforts to get us to move there. We made money, but that wasn’t why I bought them.
Terror attacks and senseless violence against innocent people. I always wish I could have personallly prevented these things.
I thought we were the only ones where our cards might be going down the tube too. My mom and I usually make all our cards so this year we got all the stuff early enough-maybe late Nov-and they still aren’t made. We even got in an argument about it this afternoon
I’m ready to print the message but we still don’t have the message and mine got x’d so we still haven’t gotten started on them 
I don’t have “just a few”…I have a barrel full of things I’ve had to let go of…to sit by the wayside and hope to revisit next year or the year after. And it makes me sad because they are GOOD things. My sanity though, hangs by a thread, and to preserve it I’m finding myself just surviving…just getting through this.one.moment and moving on to the next. There’s just sadness in my words where you were probably hoping for some positive reflection…sorry!
P.S. Your husband’s “skipping” makes me smile!
i have ditched the things that didn’t make me happy, and added things that do. i am 52 and i do have memories of my mom complaining about everything she “had” to do. not good. it took me some time to learn that i didn’t have to “do” all of those holiday things, i could pick and choose what worked best for me. i tend to focus on the food
—karen
I needed this today…I’m in the mode of trying to ‘do it all’ and in the meantime I’m losing what is important. One of them being the relationship with my children. Sigh, I have work to do tonight…and not Christmas work, either.
Thank you for the reminder!
Cards!!!
I just had a conversation with my sister in law about cards today. She said there are a few people she knows who aren’t doing them this year. (she told me this as she was finishing addressing her’s…the guilt was heaping on) I feel like I’m missing out by not sending them.
I am having a REALLY hard time with it too. So if you don’t, I won’t and it will make me feel better.
I have been really sick all week and we haven’t even done a picture..so…yeah, no cards.
as for the gingerbread house…it looks really good to eat. We have never done a gingerbread house. Am I terrible?
Yes, my hand is up!! One year a friend from church said “did you ever notice that you never got a card from us?”. At first I thought it was rude until she said…um…no, you never did. I don’t send them. Wow, I thank her every year that I have given myself permission not to send cards. Yes, it is still hard and yes, I still feel guilty when I GET cards, but I have told myself it’s okay. I have found it to be a HUGE relief not making over 100 cards for people who will just probably throw them away anyway.
Merry Christmas!!
I gave up cards for a couple of years. This year I am only sending a few. Mostly to people who have already sent cards to me, and all of the ones I’ve sent are to people who live far away and aren’t on FB. Also I’m not doing nearly as much cooking as usual. I do have the tree up and decorated, and all the presents wrapped, ( I don’t have small children at home anymore) unless I’ve forgotten someone, which is entirely possible.
Forgot to say I love your gingerbread house. I’ve never made one.
There is sadness in letting go of some things… but then there can also be a relief, less stress of not trying to do and make EVERYTHING you’d like to…just accepting a more simple life…I think less makes room for us to focus on what really matters, the reason for Christmas, the time with family, even if only with your kids. I hope you can let go of the regrets, the “I wishes”, all that you expect of yourself or others and worship Jesus our savior, rest in His HUGE love for you and your family and shower others with that same love.
In the process of packing to move next week, we have no tree to decorate, not many presents, not enough time!
Christmas decor is all hidden in boxes. We enjoy looking out the window at night to see the neighbors pretty lights – as good as it’s gonna get this year. But, that’ ok. We’ll sing for joy, blare Christmas music till the windows rattle, pretend we have a Christmas tree to rock around. 
Maybe, just maybe we’ll have a bit of snow to build a snowman. Merry Christmas Amber!
this is good. thanks!
I’m with you. I’ve had to let so much stuff go the last few years. Two years ago we had just moved. Last year I was way too sick. THIS was going to be the year when we really celebrate. Well, somehow I still haven’t been able to pull it off. No decorating.
Only 2 kinds of cookies. Gifts for the neighbors? Skip. Caroling…I could go on and on. I did actually do cards because Steve really me to send them out, and I managed to snag a $.29 sale at Cardstore one day–so basically pop pictures into a template. Not my type, but it works for this year! I’ve decided to accept this as a season of my life, and enjoy my family and the people in my life. To me it’s not worth being stressed out all the time to make more of it happen. Someday we’ll do it all. (or not) 
Happy to have others in this crowd with me. 
Amber, several years ago, I started sending out New Years’ letters/pictures instead of Christmas cards. It takes all the pressure off about it. If I get them done anytime in January, it is still New Years! For some older people, I sent out Valentine letters each year instead of Christmas cards ~ they LOVED getting a Valentine! Some people I know are going to send out Easter letters and pics instead of something at Christmas. Pick another time during the year that is less hectic for you and send something then ~ it will be rewarding to you and the recipients too. I love sending in January, because it is my most relaxed time of year and I can seem to do a better job of really writing something a bit more than a quickly scribbled line ~
Last year I was totally into Christmas. We did an Advent Calendar with all kinds of fun activities, we unwrapped and read a Christmas book every night, I did Christmas cards with personalized letters to go with them, I made cookies and candy for all my neighbors, etc. This year, the mood did not strike. So, I am letting most of the above list slide. And its fine. This is why I am not much of a tradition person. Because I don’t want to feel pressured to do things just because “we always do them” if I can’t get in the spirit of it. Because then it just becomes a drag. And yes, sending out Christmas pictures is one of the many things I am not doing this year.
Personally, I’m a little hacked off that you didn’t do cards!! Not because I think you’re a slacker but because I want to see your family in my card stash!! So there. I’m thinking you could humor me and sneak me at least a New Year’s card! Sam’s is really fast and a great bargain. I don’t need hand made or a 5×7 even, but you know! …..okay, what I’m really saying, is that I was waiting on YOUR card so I could get your address and mail you MY card. Let’s just call it even and do it next year. Sound good?! LOL
You’re honest and refreshing, as always.
I TOTALLY agree with you about those who APPEAR to have it all together absolutely don’t. Every day, I get more and more okay with my own short comings. Maybe it’s getting close to 40 that’s doing it to me.
Love you bunches.
Well, that is perfectly fine about you not doing cards. Because I’ll just keep the one up from last year so I still have a picture of my beautiful friend!
This year I did cheap (low-quality) pictures and I did decorate my house. I had other intentions of many other things, but sick kids, life, and well, just the freedom of ”I can’t do it all” changed some of that. So I think I’m only ONE of MANY women who are thanking you for this post!!! 
And yes, my kids will remember the kind of mom that I was in the middle of Christmas – not whether we did x, y, and z every single year. Such a good point. I’m being reassured more all the time. 
XOXO
P.S. Maybe I’ll just right-click, save, and print my own picture from you when you do a family picture post! Ha!
Can’t wait to see those, by the way. If you got those, that’s way better than sending cards, in my opinion. We haven’t had a family photo shoot since, well, over a year.
At the risk of sounding like a bah humbug, I think we do way too much at Christmas to the point that it has very little to do with celebrating the birth of Christ. I heard an interesting program on the radio about how Christmas came to be what it is today. A combining of religious and non-relgious traditions and ceremony, mixing Christ Mass of the Catholic Church with Sinterklaas the patron saint of children, then throw in some pagan celebration surrounding evergreen trees and then add the retail sector who figured out a great way to encourage us to “give” so they can “get” and we spend what we wouldn’t normally spend. What we have today can easily turn into a three ring circus if we’re not careful. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s nice to celebrate during season and have a few special traditions of our own. that our kids can enjoy participating in and will look back on fondly. But when we start to feel frenetic or we’re slacking…somethings way wrong and needs to be checked!
We should do what’s best for us and our families, to celebrate the birth of our saviour. That’s my motto! Mind you it took me many years to come to that conclusion
i’m letting the cleaning go. but then that’s something i don’t just save for letting go over the holidays. that is the kind of cheer that i try to share all year long. ;) if my van could park closer to the house, i’m sure i’d use it too! lol. that’s hilarious, what you did. love it! i usually scarf stuff up and stick it my dryer.
funny thing about my card this year. it was going to be so easy. i just picked out fav vacation pics, no special picture taking necessary—which everyone hates. but wait! you’re right! there IS something about that in our marriage vows. real close to the for better or worse parts.
anyway, my cards still have not come in! seriously. i’m not even addressing envelopes tonight. they won’t make it on time no matter what. so the heck with it. maybe you’ll get it by valentines day.
great post about what REALLY matters! loveLOVE. and it’s not the stuff and decor that’s for sure.
@aSeriesofFortunateEvents - i wish I was loaded and could send you the money to go see them! sad for you about that…
@foreveranoatneygirl_n2Hisown - yes! i like that motto. loveyoutoo~
@quest4god@revelife - she sounds like my kind of girl!!
)
@lonelywanderer2 - mm.. the last thing you said, i feel the same.
@redladybug18 - hearing your little stories about you and your mom make me smile.. maybe cause i can envision kate saying some of the same things.
still waiting to see that upside down tree!!!
@onehappymomma - you touched on the hardest thing of all with all this – that these things aren’t “bad” things.. they’re good. and that’s why i think it’s hard to let them go. knowing that sometimes, even if something is good doesn’t mean it’s best for us. or atleast at that time, or season of life! more than not getting things done, i beat myself up over not being more organized or laid back. if i could do all the things i want to without getting stressed i’d be giving ole martha stewart a run for her money…
)
@lifeontheWink - wise words. i do NOT want my kids to remember me as a complaining, gripey mom!!
@wj3km - love you friend. hope we get some snow there.. i’m coming HOME!!! woo hoo.
))))
@fwren - yes. i love that. leaning towards a new year’s pic instead … maybe!
@appalolly - a christmas book every night? love that idea~ so cool. yeah, i’m accepting more and more the ebbs and flows of life.. like, some years you can get the lists in your head all done and others, nope, not happening. i know i could have done cards if i’d pushed and stayed up later and spent more money etc. but at the end of the day it wasn’t worth it. ~
Your gingerbread house is making me feel better about ours! It is atleast still standing. LOL I let go giving gifts to my co-workers and buying for both extended families. This year we only drew names and it eases alot of pressure to not buy for so many.
@Elizabethmarie_1 - you won’t. i won’t. deal.
and you’re not a terrible person. you’re SMART. gingerbread houses are over rated. 
)
@ToLiveLoved - no!! i’m messaging you my address and i want a card, girlfriend! your faces are going on my fridge!!! this was my NUMBER ONE reason i hated not doing cards.. i didn’t want to miss out on any in return. i’ve got some family pics printed, i’ll send ya one. deal?
love you right back~
@lifeisadance - you can right click if you’d like. but i’ll mail ya one.
) can’t wait to get yours. i always want to hang the envelope next to it cause i LOVE your writing. 
) it’s art all by itself!
@DawneElla - ohmygoodness!!! i just want to delete my entire post and put up your words instead. there’s no buhumbug in this – it’s just truth! “when we start to feel frenetic or we’re slacking…somethings way wrong and needs to be checked!” YES!
that very thought has been on my heart alot this year. i’m thinking what needs to be checked is motives! convicting!!
merry christmas friend. thanks for sharing what you did.
@down_onthefarm - you just always make me smile!!
@grace_to_be - don’t anticipate too much with our picture!! the 11th hour sacrified quality, and it’s a bigger deal for me than i realized!
@grace_to_be – I was sooo whiny up there! I’m blaming this cold. Lol
Skipping things here, too. We did not make ONE SINGLE CHRISTMAS COOKIE. Oh, wait, I made thumbprint cookies the night the camp boys came over to carol for us. They have like three ingredients in them … guess why I chose them.
Otherwise, most of the Christmas stuff that happened was camp related and not mine to orchestrate. 
I’m tired of Christmas making me tired. Now if I could figure out a way to let go of the guilt, too. 
I’m going to MISS getting your card in my mailbox, but being the good friend I am and all, I’ll just be nice and say I’m glad you decided to go with sanity instead. 
The house is messy. For me it’s impossible to do christmassy type activities and keep up with a meat and today house. Yes I hide piles of unfolded clean laundry behind my bed.
Cards!
)
ummmm…my daughter’s 1st bday party?!?!?! that’s what i’m letting go of this christmas. o how i wanted to do a fun little bday party w/ cute pictures and cake and party favours and fun and friends…but traveling and all the goodness of running between 2 families and not being organized and planning ahead means Brighton will probably get a donut w/ a candle in it for her 1st bday and there probably won’t even be a party. i feel sad…i mean have you seen those amazingly cute 1st bday parties that every one is doing these days!
it would have been fun, but i’m letting it go. here’s to having babies in july rather than 4 days after christmas!!!!