He is jealous for me.
loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great Your affections are for me

And, oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
how He loves us all..
Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us

Oh. how He loves.

to listen to the song, go here

and i love how many times the word love is used in the chorus..
i think His love is just like that. over and over. and in a thousand ways.
said again and again to us.

except unlike the song, there's no end!

i never tell my kids to chew their gum with their mouth closed, cause i'm just as guilty.
there's really no way you can. well, bubble gum that is.
those tiny little trident sticks are a different story.
totally encourage mouth closed on those particular brands!!
and yes.. i've thought long and hard about all this.

made some pumpkin soup this morning and it's making the house smell yummy.
i altered the recipe a bit. more cream, brown sugar, no curry, and a touch of cinnamon!

just wanted to share something that encouraged my heart this week..

on monday night we heard some news that just kicked us both in the stomach.
it was huge. impactful. and i had a hard time standing back upright for a few days and catching my breath.
ever feel that way? the wind just completely knocked out of you?

a few nights later we were reading in 1 samuel for family devotions...
the story of how the amalekites took the women and children while david and his men were gone.
and david's men got so angry at him they wanted to kill him!

and i thought i had problems. having people wanting to kill you is pretty serious stuff!

but then verse six, "but david strengthened himself in the Lord."

and those words have been on the front of my mind ever since.

david could have sat around wishing his circumstances were different.
why did his life have to be this way? why couldn't anything just be normal?
why were those he counted as friends turning on him? who could he trust?

instead. he took his need and went one place!

such a good reminder to me that there is no strength - that sustains - outside of the Lord!
when life leaves me hunched over and unable to breathe..
HE is the source of oxygen my soul must attach to. my lifeline to keep going. to not give up. give in.

when i am weary. there is power available to stand upright again!

"strengthen yourself in the Lord"

****

what a fun fuN last post!!
thanks to all who entered and voted and commented.
i think i enjoyed your commentaries on the outfits even more than the contest itself.

and now. on to the winner!

there aren't any prizes for other placements, but i thought i'd mention it anyway.
like the county fair!! and we'll go backward like they do too.

okay.. 

honorable mentions in 4th place were 14 & 28.

2nd place - 3 & 20

1st place and winner of the blue ribbon and title of miss dress up 2012 goes to~

27!!!!!

submitted by: eli mcbride  {woo hoo eli!!}

****

and speaking of fashion, reese was playing in the laundry baskets yesterday and came out
wearing this!

wishing you all have a wonderful weekend.
it's crisp and cool here, but the sun is shining.
perfect fall!

okay. so you probably thought i forgot about this!!
of course not! cough.cough.
and if you're going.. forgot what?
well, see, that's why we get along so well~
i forget and you don't remember that i did!! 

like that little saying goes,
"we'll be friends till we're old and senile.. then we'll be new friends!"

so let me refresh all of our memories here-
there was this post, from a few months ago, where i kinda randomly thought up having a contest from this site.
the rules were simple...
 
you put an outfit together.
submit to me.
i put it up here.
everyone votes on their favorite.

easy! though not really, with trying to get all the right links to work, etc.
obviously someone didn't think that all the way through! which really, is so not like me!

but it was a lot of fun seeing what all came in!
i love seeing how others put art together,
and to me, fashion IS art!

so, take your time and scroll through..
then choose the one you like best and vote for it in the comments~
also. feel free to discuss the outfits too. i like that part as well.
for example, i want that girls hair in #26.
and i really like the idea of shorts with heels and a fancy top,
but not so sure i'd pull it off. or comfortable to do so..
like there are certain looks certain people can just do {think lady gaga}, but maybe not for everyone!

we'll keep the contest open until friday noon. then i'll tally up the votes and let ya know!
the winner will receive a 35$ dollar gift card to their choice of marshall's. h&m. or old navy~

thanks to everyone who submitted outfits..
they were coming from all directions it seemed and so if i missed getting yours in
please let me know asap and i'll stick it in the mix, k.

****

1. coffee date

11. pretty girl

12. for only a short time

and i had to just put some space around that sentence above so i could stare at it a minute..
it just looks so strange to me. 
how can my baby, my first, be fifteen already?
most days i barely feel fifteen myself.
not in energy {wish i did}.. in maturity!

i think about where i was at fifteen.
my, how she's already surpassed me in so many ways!
and i just watch her life. watch, and learn.

from her depth and individuality. to her quiet strength and consistency.
people will say she looks like me. i don't see it. she is so her father through and through.
looks. personality. character. even his spirit.

every now and then i might see a slight resemblance to me in a smile or expression.
but really, she is so her own person. and i mean that more about what's inside her, that out.

she seems to have a good grasp on who she is. and most importantly, who she's not.
i don't see her living by her insecurities or trying to fit in.
she's quirky and cute and has this funky kind of artsy flare to her.
she likes putting a bandana round her head and painting. just one of her things.
and each time i walk into her bedroom the walls seem to be ever shrinking behind her pictures and inspirational quotes.
i smile at the mess of it all.

she's a good friend. loyal and easy to be around.
a group of about 20 of them threw a surprise party for her last friday night..
i stood in the wings of the other room and watched, tears brimming my eyes.
she has some great friends. and i feel so blessed when i see others blessing my kids!

one of the things i admire most in kate is she's not snobby or exclusive.
she likes being friend's with everyone!
and looks, background, reputation.. those things don't matter to her.
she seems to have an eye for that one on the outskirts..
wanting to draw them in. win them over.
 
i feel there's always new faces popping up around our house because of her~
to me she has a genuine heart of hospitality.
where i'm all about things looking right before company can come.
she's just about the people.

she's working on being bold in sharing her faith more..
and that can be scary waters in the turbulent sea of high school.

one way she's found to do that is by inviting kids to youth at our church on tuesday nights.
i was telling her last night we might need to get a bigger van if she keeps it up though. we were packed out!!
she laughed and said she'd like that...
and wondered if it could be one of those big ones, like all her homeschool friends have!

"well, my letter is Tay {k} and so i'll do it about Tatie!!"

but of everything with kate i'm grateful for, i think the one that stands out most is just the
special relationship that God has built in the two of us~

i remember always hearing mothers and daughters talk about being best friends.
and of course, i wished for that with my daughter as well..
but, i admit, there was a time i had my doubts.

i felt we were so opposite. i didn't get her at all. nor she, me! and so there was lots of clashing.
it really wasn't until these last few years..
and i think especially, just this past summer, that i began to feel, really feel, what all those mothers had meant.

that suddenly here-
sitting up late as we watched a movie..or shopping together. or eating thai food...
discussing life from our lawn chairs on the beach or just laying by each other in her bed or mind, not saying a word..
here was not just my daughter, but a very best friend!

that realization in parenting is so precious.
and it just kinda creeps up on you. one day, all at once that shift.

and all those times of attitudes and frustration and tears..
who would have known from that, to this sweet fellowship and closeness!!

we're not through this all yet!
it's not like it's done and somehow we've arrived in the land of no more problems.
i want to be careful in my praise of my girl to not act like she's perfect and without fault..
duh, i'm her mom! of course then she has faults!

someone asked in the comments on a recent post,
"how do you get kids like that? kids who love the Lord and desire to follow Him?"

my first response to that was, i really don't know.
oh, i know there are things we can do to guide and teach.. to of course, point them to Christ.
but with me, i just feel it's been learning from mistakes.
lots of, i was wrong will you forgive me's. and so much prayer!

i feel like i'm only now beginning to really see the power of prayer in our kids lives.
see. mistakes!! i'm learning.
and i'm not a great prayer warrior. but i want to be better.

i'm so thankful for grace.

and this. that fact that He is a REDEEMER!

i think of that so often in my parenting. thank you Father that you redeem~

and as i walked and reeled and worried, i decided to do what any good christian mom would do..
i ran to the resource tables to find, you know, the magic formula to fix it all!!
cause surely in all the thousands of books written there's gotta be one, right?

I Redeem.

and.. yes. you've made mistakes. and you'll make way more.
but as you follow me and teach her to do the same..
the parts you don't get. the parts you miss. the ones you mess up.
I COVER IT ALL!!
there is nothing so irreversible my grace cannot change.
and nothing so far gone my mercy cannot reach.

and as i parent. that comforts me.

Happy 15th Birthday sweet girl.

"and you'd think i'd be used to the cold, " i said laughingly, "i'm from canada!"

they instantly lit up. we are too!
and we all squealed and emotionally high fived...
you know how we as women do when we find those common bonding factors like that.

what? you like downton abbey? me too, me too!
and chips and salsa is your favorite food? no way!
and shut up!! sometimes you stay in your pj's all day?
well you are my new bff!!

and this all with the lady you just met in the wal-mart check out line behind you!! ha.

but as i turned and walked away from those ladies that day,
i felt my head kinda cock to the side at the words i'd just said -
i'm from canada..?

they sounded a little odd. and yet, somehow, right.
and it might not seem like that big of deal. but it was to me.

you have to understand, since moving, it's been this thing for me that others know i'm not really "from here."
it's usually, we live in canada for now.
or, my husband's job took us to canada. followed by a quick, but i'm originally from the states.

so, for me to say this is where i'm from and just let it be...
it just spoke volumes to me of the work God's done in my heart since bringing me here.

and i was reminded of something i wrote back in the summer but never published.
it felt too raw. too unfinished. or something.

and it still feels raw, and unfinished.. and something.
but in a way i'm more okay with now if that makes sense.

i think okay with not feeling my mess has to be neater before sharing.
it simply is what it is.
and the messier the mess, the thicker God's grace~

because really, right or wrong decision or who gives a rip..
God takes it all, ALL! every piece, every part. and uses it.
nothing is wasted.
nothing.

***

and a slight disclaimer:: i really don't mean who gives a rip about God's will. i do give a rip.
i want, and we want as a couple and family to seek to follow what He gives.
but i can't say i always understand the whole "God's will" thing as it's been presented
so often in most of our church teachings~

is it only one thing like many believe?
like, this is the playground and you're only allowed to swing on the swings..
God has one specific calling on your life, etc.

or.. rather, like, this is the playground, God's will the boundaries of His Word,
but go and do whatever you'd like that best suits you...
monkey bars. the slide. or both!

and that's a huge rabbit trail and all my theology inclined friends are rolling their eyes i'm sure.
God's will compared to a playground? sorry guys.

but really. what this post was about was simply saying, thank you!
for this place God has brought us.
and on this day especially, as it's thanksgiving here today..
to express my gratefulness for what He's done.

a place i felt at one point would rip me apart..
has actually brought wholeness.
through His building. His healing. His work!

so. a few things in closing in this much scattered feeling post.
you can never be so far out of God's will that He can't get you. use you. use where you are.
i don't believe a place like that exist.

and second. if there's decisions you question, or look back and regret, don't...
it's all part of the journey you had to walk. the journey God ordained.

and third~ haPpY thAnksGiving!!!

someone wished me a happy thanksgiving yesterday at church and said,

"well, i know it's only canadian thanksgiving and all..."

and i said, "hey.. canadian thanksgiving or whatever.. any day's a great day to give thanks!!"

and all God's people said..

my pumpkin pie candle is burning in the kitchen..
and a comfy sweater all wrapped around me while i sit with my feet tucked up under me on the couch.
the house is finally quiet. with only the hum of the dryer turning in the background. little bits now asleep.
i keep looking out my window from where i sit watching these two squirrels~
they're darting all over the place. busy collecting nuts it seems.
i'm sure they must be females. i can just tell by their frantic running about.
as females we kinda do that don't we? race about trying to get everything done.

but i wanted to take a little time to record about our sweet reesey turning two!

when i look at my oldest though, who turns 15 next week, i tell myself, oh, they will!
and that helps me slow down a bit more. to grab a book to read to her instead of thinking that one more thing must be cleaned!

to say, i love you. and more often. to give more kisses. and longer hugs.
to not get too uptight over not being as free to run and do all the things mommy's who don't have little ones still at home can do.
to not lose my temper over things that don't deserve draining my energy..
like finding her just a bit ago, before nap time, sitting on the floor in the hall, sticking her finger into her dirty diaper and wiping it all over the carpet!
and yes! one more thing to do before i could sit and write my blog post.

but. sitting days will come.
and the day when she'll poop in a real toilet. and wipe her own bum.
these tired legs from chasing younger, faster ones will one day move alot slower.
and then. then i'll sit and write blog after blog about missing these days. when those days finally come.
but missing them. and missing out on them are two different things. and i want to not live wishing them away..
only to realize when it's too late, i never really lived them!

when i put her to bed she holds up her little hand and says, "pay, mommy."
and at the end always smiles with a, "men."

and each time, how my heart echoes another prayer, that she'll come to know the God we're praying to. ~

and most of you know that story. if you don't you can read about it here.
and it seems i'm always saying the same thing each year on her birthday..
though i think about it much more often than just that.
but, to me, it's more than just part of her life. it IS her life. but God had another story...

and it's my heart cry for her, that this will always be her theme.

that no matter what may ever happen. when things seem darkest and without hope.
when she is hurting and misunderstood. when she doesn't understand herself.
when she doubts all she was raised to believe. when she doubts His love.
when those days come when it's hard just to put one foot in front of the other.
when the endings might not go as she had planned. or thought they would.
when maybe, babies do die. and marriages break apart. when people disappoint. and jobs are lost.
when money is tight and everything crumbling...

in it all. may she always know, "but God had another story."

and may she cling to Him. and find the richness of His mercy. the rest of His Sovereignty.
and the confidence that everything that touches the pages of our lives, are written in His love.  

and i just feel compelled to whisper out that encouragement to you as well, there on the other side of this computer screen.
with whatever you're facing right now remember the, "but God" part.

"Never underestimate my Jesus.

so, yes. if you saw a women there in a long black sweater with pink and white polka dotted pants stuffed into her ugg boots {the pretend kind from payless},and sunglasses two sizes too small with duck tape down each side because she couldn't find her own and had to wear her sons, i assure you, i'm not on crack or nursing a hangover.. just a mom who overslept and bolted out the door with all of 2 minutes to spare.

---

last night when i asked kate what was something i could pray for her about this week, she said,

"that i wouldn't go to school every day..."
then, realizing what she said, she started laughing.

"so you want me to pray you won't go to school every day, hmm? okay, i'll do that." i teased.

"no." she said, sitting up on the bed and growing serious.
"i want you to pray that i wouldn't go to school every day with an attitude of just getting by..
i mean, sometimes i feel like i live counting down each day till friday.
school can be so boring. and it seems like it will never end. but i don't want to be like that. live like that!
i want to.. um.. i don't really know what the word is to use, like" and she took her hand and snatched at the open air, "grab hold of each day. really enjoy it."
 
then her voice trailed off and she dropped her head and shrugged,
"i don't know... does that make sense?"

i shook my head, and smiled. "makes total sense."

and i'm always amazed when i listen to my teenage girl..
how many of the lessons we begin learning so young, stay with us for a lifetime~

in every season of life we wake up the same way- with a choice on how our attitude for that day will be.
are we just going to survive. muddle through. get by.
or as kate said and i like that mental picture, grab hold of it!
not just standing by watching it pass.

and i get that it's not always as easy as all that. we're tired with a tiredness that goes beyond our bodies at times..
the burdens of life can so weigh upon us and yes, our head is down and we're just trying to take one step after the other.

i don't think grabbing hold of a day means putting on some phony kind of happiness.
but as kate and i went on to talk about last night, recognizing life is about so much more than just us! so much more.

and having that perspective certainly won't take the hard and hurt of some days away..
but it makes grabbing them and accepting them, so much easier. when we live with eyes beyond ourselves. ~

and it's no new mind blowing concept. kinda like the dishes and laundry.. same old.
but just like them. i too need re-doing. re- cleaned. wrinkles of my soul smoothed. and stains of selfishness washed in His truth!

and so that is simply the prayer of my heart today for my girl, and me also.
to have eyes to see this day as the Lord does.
to live with purpose and love on purpose.
to look for Him in everything. because He's there!
to proclaim His love every morning. and His faithfulness each night.

amen!

it usually takes me awhile to get into fall.
as if denying it's here is going to make it go away!

but. then.. at some point, it's like it just creeps up on me and suddenly, i'm in!!

i think maybe it happened sunday evening. while sitting in the living room, indian style on the couch.
my grandma's crocheted afghan thrown over my legs. windows open. and curtains blowing high from the crisp night air.

but it was really the smell of the candle. the harvest yankee candle my mom had brought me.
i knew once i lit it that'd be it. no more resisting.

have you seen the new country living magazine? i'm sure you have.
you can't miss it in the checkout line - there's chevron pumpkins on the cover. hello!!
and i love chevron. not that i own absolutely anything at all with a chevron pattern, but this was going to be my first!

once reese was in bed yesterday i cleared the table. and set out for my grand creation.
well, rule number one, if you decide to make chevron pumpkins.. don't spray paint them.
apparently spray paint doesn't adhere well to pumpkins. and.. the painters tape will peel the spray paint right off!!
second. it doesn't work to just rip the painters tape into whatever length size strip you happen to get.
no. when they say the strips should be 2 in. i guess they really mean. 2 in.
kinda like following a box brownie mix. there's just no other way to do it.

but. if you're like me and have no patience for cutting little pieces of painters tape to the exact size it needs to be.
well. maybe making chevron pumpkins isn't for you either.

i finally took them both back outside. doused them with another coat of spray paint and was going to just leave them plain white.
but, later on, while digging in the laundry room closet for a pair of ben's shoes..
of course, i get distracted at all the other stuff in there.
anyone else do that?
just a simple trip to the laundry room to see if his black converse are in there,
and two hours later i emerge with all kinds of things i didn't even know i had! or forgot i did?
or have searched for for months. like my hot glue gun, that had fallen behind the coats in there.

and down in the back corner, with some other cans of paint, a small can of chalkboard paint from ben's old room like, 4 years ago!
and a bunch of old acrylic paints and stencils {remember when stencils were all the rage!}..
and a little half empty bottle of gold glitter paint with the acrylics.

so. as i found this stuff, the wheels started turning in my head, and i headed back out to work on my plain white pumpkin family. ~
which sounds kinda creepy actually!
like the crazy plastic surgeon guy in that old movie, arsenic and old lace!

anyway. my pumpkins are a far cry from the chevron ones i set out to do. 
but it's alright.  i can always just buy a chevron pillow!

but you know what. it's not true i'm not good at anything, but it is true i'm not good at everything!
and that's okay.. so some people can make beautiful chevron pumpkins. way to go for them.
and others can do some killer spray painting! way to go me.

the thing is that we can all do something! our something.
and whether that's an original idea or inspiration from somewhere else, it'll still be unique to us.
because no two people are alike. and we all see things in different ways, and create from what we see. how we feel.

so celebrate what you CAN do!! the abilities, talents, gifts that God has given.
and leave making chevron pumpkins to the next person!

****

and about our dress up contest. this is your first hounding reminder!!
get your entries in soon. maybe we need to put a deadline on it, like, this coming monday.
of course, you know i'm very flexible though, so don't sweat it.

we're headed to cincinnati tomorrow.
i'm going to be going to a conference in indianapolis with some girlfriends~
which i've been looking so forward to.
i'm not, however, looking forward to the 10 hour trip in shayne's truck..
which we have to take so that he can have some warranty work done on it while in the states.
it's going to be one tight and cozy ride!!
i'm going to make sure everyone's showered and well deodorized and has on clean socks {BEN!}

happy rainy tuesday from southern ontario.
i think i'm going to go light that harvest candle again while i finish laundry and packing!

xo.

the sun was just peeking through your blinds casting a light over your face as i walked into your room early wednesday morning.
i stood, just for a minute, looking down at you. all so quiet. you so still.
memories begin flipping through my mind and i can't help but to wonder, how has she gotten this big already?

i reach and gently shake your arm, whispering down, "time to wake up."
in an instant your eyes spring open, a huge grin spreading out on your face.
you seem to have always woken up this way. cheerful. excited. ready.

"you know what today is..." i ask, as i pull up the blind.

you grin bigger.

"today's your seventh birthday!"

you sit up on your knees, nearly bouncing, and say all animatedly like,
"i know. i tan feel myself turning seben RIGHT DIS MINUTE!"

and ya know, i know these last few weeks since starting school have been really tough.
but i also know that it's these tough times that will grow that sweet, sensitive heart of yours even bigger.
if you let the things that hurt you, cause you to understand the hurt of others, then every hard time is worth it.
you don't see that now. i don't even see that now. but it's true.
because God uses everything to pull us to Himself.
to teach us that He's enough~ and because of that, we have hope. and hope to offer others.

but i know for us both, as we continue on this journey of learning, we're going to make it.
we're going to be okay.
because, as we've been talking about every day, as i draw that little heart on your hand -
it's about Him in us!

and this morning as you held out your hand to me and said with a smile, "where's my heart...?"
and once again i traced the faded outline, i thought to myself, you are finding your heart, your true heart...
because you're finding it in Him.
and i'm just so proud of you. so in love with you. and so thankful for who are you, and who you are becoming.

my prayer, sweet one, is that someday when i'm no longer there to draw hearts on your hand, your life will still show, that through it all, and in it all, and no matter what, you are HIS.

"you duys are my favorite parents ever!"

and in that moment,and all the millions of other ones leading up to it, we smile and thank God for the GIFT of you!!

****

i want to say too, for those of you who've read here for years..
who've watched my kids growing up from across the screen,
sharing in this journey with me and cheering me {and them} on~
thank you! it has meant so much. truly.