love this kid!

hope you enjoy yours~

xo.

thirteen, and leaning in close to examine the newest pimple. certain my life was over!
sixteen, applying make up and hoping dad wouldn’t say it was too much.
eighteen, checking my navy blue suit one last time before leaving to travel on a team with our home school organization…
{where i would end up meeting my husband.. but wouldn’t know that for years still to come – that he was husband!}
twenty, and staring in the mirror blinking back tears, regret over stupid choices and knowing i needed to go out and tell my parents some hard stuff.
then twenty two, my wedding morning!! standing there for hours curling every single strand of hair to pile high on my head.
and that same year, on a visit home, seeing a different image looking back. bloated. swollen. pregnant! 
and soon, little ones that could barely see over the countertop.
to now, my own teenage girl standing there next to me, getting ready, same as i always did.

my girlfriends and i will hold our faces back on the sides and say, “here’s what we used to look like!”

but i wouldn’t want to rewind the tape.
i wouldn’t want to go back to “looking like what i was.”
though more weathered and worn there is a contentment now..
a settling that has come only by the years passed through.

like this slow building calm that continues to grow the more i learn who i am, and more importantly, who i am IN CHRIST!

yes. that’s it exactly.

amazing grace!

and may i never lose that amazement~
how an extraordinary God like Him could have such a great big heart for someone just.like.me!

i wrote this early yesterday morning but never got a chance to get it up..
the day was so full from beginning to end.

i had really purposed to go into this birthday with no expectations..
expectations just end up robbing you of any joy you could have gotten regardless.
and i had to smile last night realizing it turned out to be one of the best!

i think my heart and stomach felt equally full yesterday!

i wonder if my kids know how clueless i so often am right along side them at all this parenting stuff.
from potty training to 2nd graders to teenage boys and teenage girls!

well, i’m having my doubts!

the garland i worked on between the between times.

the love.

and the one who helps us keep our sanity in it all.

happy monday everybody!!!

it’s one of my favorite pictures of us together.
not because of what it looks like.
but because of what he was saying.
i remember the moment like it was yesterday

“sis, i am so very proud of you…” his voice cracked as he said it. he was trying not to cry.
{we had a bet between us about crying that day. and i think in the end we both lost}

but it was something i had heard him say so often. and still do. 
something, that no matter how many times i hear it, still means the world.
and something that’s taught me the importance of making sure my kids are hearing it from me!  

dad. thanks for the example you’ve been.

****

and speaking of weddings. let’s hear about YOURS!

what year were you married and where?
and bonus question:: were you happy with your wedding, or wish to go back and have a do over?

hope you all have a GREAT weekend.~
the kids have a snow day today so i see cupcake making and some movie watching in my near future!!!

xo.

p.s. if you do a friday love post let us know in the comments so we can all come over and share in the LOVE. )

don’t you just love the word love!! i don’t think you can overuse it.
love love love love loooooooooooooove!!!! )

or smiley faces. they’re impossible to overuse also!!
oh, and exclamation points! those too!!!!! )))

so i dove in. determined to get everything back in order. back to functioning smoothly..
back to peeless/ crumbless floors!

thing is. fixing surfacy things doesn’t always fix the attitudes of the heart.
and they affect the home way more! 

and the kids. they certainly hadn’t learned to be more patient with each other while i was gone.
and shayne.. well, his mind reading skills hadn’t improved any either.
and then of course. doesn’t your period always come at like the best time, never!!
and suddenly you’re weepy and snappy and everything is even more magnified by those crazy stupid hormones.
and oh my word, someone PLEASE send me an email every night telling me to wash my face!
why do i ever think sleeping in my make up is a good idea?

so. i find myself standing in front of the mirror this morning.
flecks of mascara sprinkled all around my puffy eyes.
looking every bit the mess i feel.
what’s worse.. the mess i am in my heart~

and i feel my shoulders slump inside. that tug of defeat grabbing at my heart…
frustration at myself for once again allowing my selfishness to dictate my behavior. the mood of my home.

having a home that’s in order has it’s place. but having a heart in order is far more important!
somehow i feel if i ever get that last part right the other will come as well.

and i don’t know about you. but usually when i’ve had a glimpse of my true reflection there’s the temptation to camp out there awhile..
groveling a bit in the discouragement of the slow learner that i am.
~but that’s exactly where satan likes us to be! to keep us.
to have us live our lives defeated. reminding us of our failures. convincing us we’ll never change.

but the Lord sings a different song over us! and oh, if you could hear me right now i’d shout it..
a WHOLE DIFFERENT SONG ENTIRELY MY FRIEND!!!
of redemption and forgiveness and new beginnings.
of a victory already won. and the kind of grace that’s big enough to cover it all. all!
our inadequacies. our weakness. our mistakes. our short tempers. our pms. our selfishness. our ugliest of uglies..
 
clothed in His righteousness and set free by His mercy!! 

i’d be lying to say i really understand all that. that i can truly wrap my brain around it.
except this – - He accepts me just as i am but loves me too much to leave me that way.

and so He holds up the mirror. again and again.
showing me what it looks like to be transformed to His image.
and i continue to learn.. if yes, ever so slowly.

wanna join?

all you have to do is take a picture each week of something you love then post it on friday!
easy peasy like strawberry pie.

aNd.. i might occasionally ask some random question about love for you to answer as well.

like this one:: where did you and your spouse first met?
and bonus question – do you remember what they were wearing?

haPpy super bowl weekend friends!!
i’ve no idea who’s playing.. i’m really just there for the food!

and just when i was sure she didn’t even realize i was there at all,
right before she rounded the trees out of sight she turned and flashed a big smile..
throwing her hand up in a wave.

and i knew she knew.
knew that i was there.
where i always was.
right where i should be.
behind her. encouraging her. praying her forward. watching her go~

knowing these kind of moments didn’t need alot of words.
i had said it all a thousand times in a thousand ways long before now.
and i was saying it still..
my reassurance. my trust. my cheering.
even if just in the simple lock of our eyes that brief moment when she turned to look back.

she could hear it. all of what i was saying. i know she could.

funny now how grocery shopping is one of my least favorite things to do and mainly,
because you have to bag your own groceries!
atleast with the stores i shop at..
the kind where you even have to PAY to use the carts!! yeah, those.

now when i’m standing there bagging groceries i can’t believe i ever thought it looked fun.
and i have to chuckle to myself realizing what a lousy bagger i would have made as i cram, shove, and pile those plastic bags just as full as i can get them!!

what’s a job you used to think would be cool to have when you were a kid?

i was baking fish in the oven and had some rice cooking on the stove, with a little broccoli in the steamer for the side.
can you tell i’ve been watching iron chef?

in british accent::
“what i’ve made for you today is a hand squeezed lemon baked alaskan cod over a bed of pilaf rice accompanied by fresh herb and broccoli wasu.”

yeah. yeah. you made fish and rice with broccoli. just say it how it is!!” )

i like to think i might actually be a fairly decent cook if i didn’t get so easily distracted.
more times than i can count i’ve started making something, then went and got involved in something else…
and just totally, completely forgot!
until the smoke detector is going off or i’m wondering what that funny smell is.

so. with the rice stuck in the bottom of the pan and the fish shriveled to a near nothing.
needless to say. we ordered pizza.
the broccoli however was just fine.
the only part i’m sure my kids would have liked to have burnt up!

***

here’s some pics and projects from around the house lately.
and once again me just whispering out a word of encouragement to use what you have and embrace where you are~

so often my piddling around my home is me working out a discontentment issue in my own  heart.
and remember. what you see when you look here, or anywhere on the web, is only half the picture, right.

“martha stewart would choke on her craft supplies if she saw how i wad up a fitted sheet!”
love that quote~ so true. with me and all my sheets. what’s the point?

1. making extra space

when i picked up this little side table at a thrift store i was planning on using it in our bedroom..
i cleaned it up a bit and spray painted it black.

the upstairs bathroom had the same ugly green countertop as the downstairs..
and yep, with just a few coats of plain old spray paint it too was transformed!

when i talked about this with the downstairs bath several asked how it would hold up.
well, this is the one kate uses all the time {the “girls” bathroom, as we call it}.
so there’s been curling irons on it. make up all over it. even kool aid everywhere when she and her friends decided to dye their hair.
and so far it’s holding up fine.
 
there’s maybe a few drops of the kool aid stain here and there.

so until i can buy a new mirror and figure out how to keep it up there i just hung some family pictures around it in a circle..

we also still have our tree up.
i like the coziness of it. the lights twinkling at night…
i haven’t wanted to take it down just yet.

so kate and i actually cut out some hearts from book pages and plain paper and made a garland to go round it.
we’re now calling it,  “the love tree!”

well. dinner is now cooking but i’m at the table and i’m not leaving this room!!!
atleast if it burns i can show my husband this and tell him i had every good intention.

happy thursday evening!

and still. he laid on the horn and threw his hand back up at me all frustrated.
and then i shook my head and wrinkled my forehead and was trying to mouth back,
“what’s your problem jerk.. can’t you see this is a bit out of my control!!”
but we had already slid past and i’m pretty sure he missed half that.
hopefully he got the jerk part.

after getting all the kids where they needed to be i finally, and without any sliding incidents this time, made it back home.
only. the snow plow had come while i was gone and there was now a huge pile of snow at the end of my driveway..
blocking me from getting in.
i parked on the road. more like in the middle, because that’s about all that was a clear- a thin lane down the middle.
and i do have a history of going into ditches, so i was trying to stay clear away from those.~

after getting in the house and laying reese down for a nap,
i knew i had to move the van and there was only one way i was going to be able to do that. ..
i’d have to shovel out the driveway so i could get in!

so i bundled up and headed out.

i stood for a bit and “evaluated” the project.
wondering when our driveway had gotten so long!

i looked around.
for what i’m not sure?
some friendly neighbor with his snow blower?
the homeschool kid from around the corner looking to make a few bucks?
but the street was empty and still.

i put my shovel down and pushed the first line of snow across the drive.
the plastic against the blacktop echoed through the quietness and i was caught off guard by how loud it was.
it seemed easy at first. and i was already thinking i’d be done in no time.
then. the snow piled higher on the shovel. heavier. and i could barely lift it at the end.
i stumbled over the weight and flung it in this big awkward motion as all the snow just blew immediately right back on me.

i stood for a minute. feeling all dumb and 10 years old!
i wanted to give up. right then.
one attempt and fail. done!

but i saw the van. knew it needed to be moved. knew this driveway had to be cleared.  knew there were no other options…
so. i walked back across to where i had started.
hunched over.
gripped the handle hard.
and shoveled through the snow once more. 

back and forth i went across the driveway.
this haphazard zig zag of a pattern.
nothing neat.
nothing that spoke of experience or strength.

i know i looked every bit the mess i felt.
breathing heavy. hair sticking to my sweaty face..
my too big jeans falling down, my sweatshirt riding up.
and every now and then my foot and the shovel would collide causing me to stumble forward. 

i looked across the street and saw the old neighbor man watching me out his window.
i could just imagine what he was thinking, “crazy yank.. doesn’t even know how to shovel snow right!”
i didn’t bother waving. my numb fingers wouldn’t pry loose of the handle.
i just sighed and tried to turn my back to the house so he atleast wouldn’t see my bum hanging out of my baggy jeans. {trust me, not a pretty sight!}

and just when i was about to feel relief that i was almost done. i realized the end part would be the hardest..
the largest pile of snow. the heaviest. the toughest to get through.
i couldn’t just keep doing my back and forth zig zaggy thing.
no. now i would have to stop. stand still. and dig through the deep stuff.
one shovel full after the other. again. and again until it was gone.

slowly. and oh, how slow…
smaller and smaller it became .
and finally, clear.

when a storm hits and you’re left to work through the hard of it all.

how i wish most things in life were as easy as grabbing a shovel and just going at it! 
though my aching shoulders tell me easy isn’t the right word –
still, atleast it’s tangible. visible. i could see results.

what about those things in life where there seems to be none. progress. or change. or chances of anything ever being anything other than you feeling trapped. blocked in?
some paths, like my driveway seemed to me yesterday morning, feel endless.

and even though a situation might feel hopeless, it’s not. no, really! i can hear the doubts. i get it. i’ve doubted too and am still learning this..but no situation is hopeless because our hope isn’t determined by our circumstances-
it’s determined by the Person of Jesus Christ. He’s the only one that can make what seems impossible, possible. and though snow in a driveway hardly compares to the hard of real life – of broken marriages and relationships and health and finances and pressures at work and problems in the world – when you find yourself hunched over and that feeling that you just cannot possibly shovel one more path across, you can! and you can, we can, because just as the snow that never seems to stop here in the north .. His grace never stops pouring down over our lives! never. it’s always falling. always washing over us. always giving us that strength for just one more step. even in times we don’t feel it is. especially in those times!

so whatever it is you’re looking in the eyes of today.
whatever is making you feel trapped. blocked in. buried. maybe just plain down right exhausted..
don’t give up or grow discouraged.
keep shoveling, girl!!

hope it is restful and fun…
and i want to say something cheesy like, “may you not go banana’s even once!”

{smiley’s picked out for you by emma… she said she picked seven because she’s 7! }

amber.