and i stand in our bedroom, looking out through the thin white curtain, the rain falling steadily down..
so fitting it seems. i wish i could feel that same down my cheeks but, i’m just too exhausted to cry.
have you ever felt that before? this huge need to cry, but not the energy to do it?
parenting can do that to you. that soul exhaustion that leaves you feeling you can’t even muster the strength to express what it is you really even feel.
and all i can do is stand and let out a long sigh. and in that sigh, a prayer.
it’s only something like, “God, help us…”
and as my shoulders start to slump i hear this thought back – it’s not as big as all this! it doesn’t have to be. turn round. make it right with your husband. go make it right with your daughter. it’s not worth it!

sometimes, yes. being the parent means just that, you have to be the parent. you must set rules, lay boundaries, and maybe for no reason you can give at all have to say, no. you won’t win the popular vote. they’ll say you don’t understand. that’s okay. sometimes a temporary wall ends up making a perfect bridge when it finally falls.  but then.. then there are other times. times to just. let. it. go. lay it down.

and i turn. and his figure in the bathroom door, hair standing straight up on end.
i tried not to smile. i still wanting to hold on to my mad a bit more. but.. the corners of my mouth broke.
“have you looked in the mirror?” i asked.
he leaned back. glancing in. a smile played on his own lips. “and..?”
“well, you are obviously the total crazy one of this family. you even look the part!”

he stuck his tongue out.

“go get your daughter and drive her to that party.”

“but i thought….”

then i stopped because i knew.. God had been whispering the same to him as He had me.

i went down the hall to kate’s room… suddenly feeling so free about it all. like a burden lifting with each foot step closer to her door. closer to making things right.
walking in i squatted down eye level a few feet away from where she sat on the floor.

“let’s go, babe.”

the funny thing when i look back. she didn’t seem a bit confused.
apparently God was working in all our hearts the same way.
He does that, ya know…
without any help from us, work in individual hearts the same as He’s doing in ours.

there’s times it seems nothing can be fully resolved until we completely hash it through. argue points. go round and round. sometimes that’s what’s needed. sometimes nothing short of a national peace treaty will do. but then there are other times. as i’m learning. that being a good parent isn’t only about holding your ground it’s knowing when not to as well. and why is it we always think it’s the child that needs their will yielded when ours is just as strong and actually might be the problem even more.

a short while later we all stood in the kitchen.
the heavy cloud lifted. even the 2 year old happy again!
as i was about to leave with the older two, shayne staying back with the younger two, the rain still gently falling, but then.. the sun suddenly came from what seemed like nowhere and cast this gorgeous glow all across the yard. 

as we were pulled out of the driveway, kate pointed. “look!”
and there, at the end of the road one of the brightest, most vibrant rainbows i’ve ever seen! 

as i drove we could see it closer. i turned onto a road from the one we were supposed to be on.
“let’s go chase a rainbow for a minute…”
and we set out. driving along that country dirt road. windows down. the cool evening breeze blowing in. 

“it’s pretty crazy when you think about it, mom..” kate said beside me.
“when we were fighting it was raining and dark. but then when we cleared things up at home, it cleared up outside too. and now.. a rainbow like that! i just think that’s pretty cool!”

and those tears i felt earlier but too tired to cry, snuck to the corners of my eyes and i blinked hard.
i had had that same thought..
the darkness. the heaviness. the storms that come and shake the very foundation of our homes. of our lives. and yet..
this. the storms do not last forever. there is an end.
and we don’t always see it during. when clouds hover and rain relentless. when the wind beats down and us bent right over. but there is Light! there is the promise of hope… and sometimes, yes. written out across the sky like that for us to see in full neon color so we won’t doubt it. that He is with us. on our side. He wants us to succeed. for our home to be one of harmony. of peace. of unity. He wants families to be strong. to fight together. He fights with us for that!

this past month, like never before in my life i have felt the storm clouds gathering.
something so much bigger. stronger. seeking to destroy our family.
and i have a feeling the hutchins home isn’t the only one feeling that intensity. 
there’s a fight going on that’s way more than just between spouses or our children – but the enemy of our souls is fighting like all get out to blow our lives wide apart! and.he.never.stops.  never let’s up! 

and.. wow! how i’ve felt a weariness in the battle lately. i’ve wondered, will we make it through?
i’ve lost sight and stood drenched in the rain looking up, “God?”
but this week. and even not so many hours ago i’m feeling a renewed burst of promise, just like i saw across the sky.
there is HOPE. there is healing.. there is a Redeemer!

“He has delivered us.. and he will deliver us… on Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us still.” 2cor 1:10

His deliverance. past. present. future.
love that!

p.s. and on a totally unrelated but happy little note.. just opened my camera bag and found 20 bucks in the pocket!
looks like lunch out for reesey and i! )

dad has been the pastor there some 37 years now, i guess it is.
mom was 26 when he started. i was 3.
i’m sure she’d say her kids weren’t the only ones that grew up there.
 
we always sat in the second row. right underneath the pulpit.
mom sat directly in the middle.
her legs crossed at the ankle. hands folded in her lap, usually holding a kleenex {she’s a crier}.

i can still see that look on her face as she looked up at dad.
it’s the look she has still.

then. down each side of her us kids all lined up.
as we got married. our spouses joined. then our own kids as well.
our pew got fuller. more crowded.

we’d cram in week after week, telling the one next to us to move down..
until it came to the point where there was no where else for the next one to move to!
 
sometimes we’d climb back and forth over mom.
getting from one side to the next. or chasing a runaway toddler {ben}!
and yet there mom would sit, week after week, exact same spot. never moving. 
i can still see myself leaning forward and looking down the row. yes, there she is. same as always.

as i write this out i feel the tears brimming.
in many ways it’s the perfect picture of mom’s life –
her consistency and faithfulness to the Lord. to my dad. to our family. 

these past few years have been some of the toughest- things with church. her health declining {she has ms for those who don’t know}. her kids moving on. moving away… and i know her heart has broken a little with each change. felt itself running out in all directions.
and yet. in it all. every hardship. every trial. every move her legs cannot make. every church member that’s gone. every space left vacant around her in that pew. with every filling and emptying of dreams and plans, she has clung to the One who never changes and He has been her strength through every single step. even in those times she felt she couldn’t do even that, take another step. especially in those times. she’s only tightened her grip more. grace has held her!

and though i’ve seen the tears. we’ve cried them together. questioned together… yes, why does it seem that suffering is part of God’s plan? and again and again she’s reminded me, “if  we don’t believe He knows best then what else is there?” there’s no other way of finding rest except by trusting He is fully in control.

she used to have this little piece of paper as a bookmark in her Bible, with these words she’d written across it - 
“there is nothing, no problem or circumstance more powerful than God. absolutely nothing.”

and i know those were more than mere words to her.. it was a life that had lived it. found it to be true. 

i often think of the night shayne and i told mom and dad we were moving here.
sitting in their backyard around the campfire. mom was crying, but this is what she said - 

“you know.. i would rather you be on the other side of the world and in God’s will, than right next door and not..”

and she has taught me that it’s okay to cry. it’s okay to question, to not always understand God’s ways, what He’s doing.
but at the end of it all our conclusion must be to open our hands wide, letting it all go..
extended to Him in full surrender.

what a way to live – with arms high and heart abandoned.
probably the most beautiful position we can take.
and come to think of it, mom’s the most beautiful person i know!

i have often wondered what makes parents and kids become friends.
what makes that grown child still want to come home?

maybe the answer is different for us all but for me it has been that place of knowing i am accepted for the person i am and not based on the performance i give. those seem to be the homes that produce best friends for life and kids that want to come back.

i’m so grateful that i have that.

and though that church pew far away grows smaller.
all the hearts that have sat there through the years only grow more aware of the treasure we have in that woman who still sits there, right in the middle.

happy birthday dear sweet mom!
love you forever and ever.

on this particular day for a trip to the park and walk in the woods she was adamant about her pink tulle skirt.
it’s a favorite of mine and i was afraid she would ruin it…
but since the battle i knew would take place wasn’t worth it to me, the frilly skirt it was.

we were actually almost done with our time out when it happened.

she was running fast ahead of me and i saw the puddle coming.
i called out to her to stop, which she did..
but she was already at the edge and when her feet stopped the slippery mud sent them flying out from under her..
and there she went. sliding all the way through it!
 
i hurried towards her. a little mess of tears in the middle of the mud and scooped her up..
mud now all over the front of me too.

for a ways after she stayed by my side. hand clenched tight in mine.
eventually the mud dried. alot fell off. she let go and ran ahead again.

and as i watched her i thought of this –

that our kids falling in “mud puddles” is inevitable. it’s part of growing up.
and even though we see those things, try to warn them..
we cannot spare them from the dirt of this world.
all we can do is walk beside them through it.

but in all parts of this parenting journey i’m grateful for a Heavenly Father who is wisdom. grace. guidance. calm.

for the mud that smears across all our lives, He is the only answer!

we did have a nice long easter weekend though~
of taking walks. painting eggs. making cupcakes. watching Leave it to Beaver!
emma got to go skiing for the first time and she was thrilled.. shayne said she was a little natural.
we attended church on friday and sunday and was thrilled to see a good friend of kate’s get baptized.
her testimony was just so moving!
i was already crying.. but when i looked over and saw kate crying i cried harder!

i think i cried through the whole service sunday actually!
easter and all it represents just leaves me undone.
i love singing and worship. but at easter..
it seems all i can do is stand with my hands up in praise, not able to really get any words out.

yesterday when something was pulling me down i felt the reminder in my heart –
the same risen Lord you were praising on sunday is the same risen Lord today!!
all of of my struggles, fears, worries, the power of sin, He conquered when he rose again!
He’s already won the victory! there’s no need to fight and strive and feel i can never attain it..
it’s mine to claim because of what He’s done!
that’s the power of the cross. see the chains fall!!!  AmeN.

when everyone was leaving that night someone thanked me and said, “you’re so hospitable,”
i laughed. “oh, i’m really not!”

and it’s true.
i’m not naturally bent that way.
i want to be.
i admire those who are.

two years ago, on our first easter here, a family in the church invited us over for lunch…
saying they wanted to have families that didn’t have family close~

but it’s an effort. i spazz.
i get caught up on stupid things..
like, the curtain rod that’s hanging crooked in the living room and the christmas wreath that’s still on my door! what will they think if i have to wash the silverware between eating dinner and dessert because we don’t have enough? and i sure hope everyone knows we rent and this isn’t the color countertops i would typically choose!!

and suddenly there’s just all these things that have GOT TO BE FIXED before i can truly be hospitable.

because of course, who could possibly be blessed if my pioneer woman strawberry sparkle cake turns out flat as a flitter, looking like the plastic plumbing ring you set your toilet on! {true story}

but guess what? i think they were blessed anyway. toilet ring looking cake and all.

that’s the thing i keep learning again and again every time i step out of my comfort zone and have people over.~  no one really cares about crooked curtain rods and christmas wreaths still up. if the dessert is a flop and your centerpiece looks weird.

hospitality is more of an attitude than an act.
kind of more what we are than even what we do. ~
because our homes don’t just display our decorating styles they display our spirits as well.

i’ve been in homes that are gorgeous and everything in it’s perfect place…
and in homes where i was stepping over banana peels on the floor!!
and in both, i’ve felt completely at ease and comfortable.
not because of my surroundings but the people in them –
which typically seems to be the woman, since she’s the main one who sets the tone and atmosphere of her home.

those are the kind of women who know the true art of hospitality.
who have this graciousness about them. a sense of welcome and acceptance. a calmness.
and a women whose heart is at rest makes those around her feel at rest too…

true hospitality is about blessing, not impressing.

and where i find myself right before the company comes -
in the bedroom or not
is usually a pretty good indicator where my motives are at.

true hospitality is about getting my heart right, before my home.

*focus on cleaning the parts of the house people are going to see – getting that marker off the bathroom door in your bedroom really won’t make a difference!

{i’m especially bad about this. getting side tracked so easily and spending time on things people aren’t even going to notice, then freaking, because hello!  i forgot to set the chicken out to thaw!}

*buy a coffee maker – even the cheap 20 dollar black and decker one from wal-mart will do! everyone likes a coffee or tea after dessert.

*don’t start cleaning up till after guests leave – which might be obvious to most, but.. guilty!

{i may or may not have even been known to full on get the vacuum cleaner out while company was still here! i told you – i’m learning!}

*be prepared for kids – have a place for them to eat if everyone doesn’t fit around the table and also, reassure parents they are fine when they’re running wild around your grandmother’s heirloom vase. if you’re going to worry about the vase, put it away before they arrive!

*just be real – tell your guest the strawberry sparkle cake didn’t turn out!  or the book page wallpaper is covering the ugly border since you rent. or that you crammed all the dirty laundry in your husband’s office.

*sit – don’t be up constantly doing things. have as much prepared beforehand and just relax and enjoy your company once they’re there!

*and lastly – don’t wait to be more hospitable until you have a bigger home or more money or more time or more silverware.. if we’re not hospitable with what we already have, we never will be. 

there’s more, but these are just a few~
what’s some things you’ve learned about being hospitable? i’d love to hear.

{edit: scroll down in the comments and read what smilesbymiles had to say – such a good point to remember as well!}

ya know. usually without fail, the two things running through my mind as company leaves is-
WHY did i spazz?
and. i need to do this more often.

reaching out and ministering to others is like that waterwheel effect…
it can’t help but come back and fill our hearts in return!

****

more from our easter weekend::

afterwards i was feeling desperate for something healthy. anything.
i could see my arteries clogging by the second!  
so i headed to the fridge to find whatever i could that looked semi nutritious..
when you’ve been gone for over a week and not to the grocery store in like two though, pickins are slim.

but i basically emptied the crisper drawer..
took the wilted lettuce and few shriveled veggies that could be salvaged chopped em up. threw them in a bowl. and there was my tossed salad!

i think this post might feel like that. a bit chopped and tossed together~

****

two weeks ago the kids had their march break and we headed south to my parents.
it was one of those weeks where i had one set of expectations and everything the total opposite seemed to happen.
not like just rain and snow. but hard stuff. relationship stuff.
the kind of stuff none of us like dealing with, but have to. need to.

on our last day the sun broke and we headed out for a local park with a few of my brothers.
we ended up doing a little hike around a trail in the woods…
even though i totally wasn’t wearing hiking type of shoes. 
as i walked, and knew of the blisters i’d be feeling tomorrow -
it struck me how often it’s in pain we see some of the greatest beauty.

if i hadn’t went on that path i would have missed out..
and my week had been just the same!
though no fun at the time, it was those things unplanned and unprepared that carried the greatest treasure..
hearts melded closer together. truth clung to. the resolve greater. the Lord nearer.

when we were home and someone asked how the week was, after a few seconds of, “ummm…”
i finally answered, “it was very full.”

“well, that’s good,” they nodded.

and i smiled because i knew they didn’t have a clue what kind of full i actually meant.
that really, only God and i would ever know all my heart held from that week.
a week i thought had gone all wrong, and yet here.. somehow, it was exactly what i needed.

He works {all} things together.

“It seems it was good for me to go through those troubles.
Throughout them all you held tight to my lifeline.
You never let me tumble over the edge into nothing.
 But my sins you let go of, threw them over your shoulder—GOOD RIDDANCE!
The dead don’t thank you, and choirs don’t sing praises from the morgue.
Those buried six feet under don’t witness to your faithful ways.
It’s the living—live men, live women—who thank you, just as I’m doing right now.
God saves and will save me. As fiddles and mandolins strike up the tunes,
We’ll sing, oh we’ll sing, sing, for the rest of our lives in the Sanctuary of God.”
[Isaiah 38:16-20 The Message]

you know. the thing when you walk through hard stuff is it kinda knocks the wind out of your sails for awhile ~
which isn’t always a bad thing. to be windless. still. to get quiet and tuck away for a time.
i love writing for a processing of thoughts. but there are at times thoughts too deep to put into words..
it’s like i have to just sit with them. letting God put them in order in my heart, me not trying to work them through or come to a conclusion.
as shayne reminded me today, “we can’t explain everything. ”
we want to. we want to understand and know the why and wrap it all up in a neat little box with a bow on top.
but i’m convinced more and more God’s all about taking our neat little boxes..
that we think we have all figured out and put together and blowing them wide open.
proving again, we don’t get to decide who God is.
in our human eyes we won’t always get it.
but it’s not for us to”get it,” but learning what it means to to lay it down.
resting in His Wise Love that knows exactly what He’s doing. blown apart pieces and all!  
and if it’s about being transformed to His image -
there’s no better way than wrapping myself to His side and holding on for dear life~

“We please God most, not by frantically trying to make ourselves good, but by throwing ourselves into His arms with all our imperfections and believing that He understands everything – and loves us still.”

****

we live in a culture where it seems more than ever to be fixated on perfectionism.
it’s in every commercial, magazine cover, movie.
every joke made about the melissa mccarthy’s of our world! 
it’s in books and the racks of our department stores. in the latest fad diets.
even in the pulpits of our churches. and sadly, the spirit in many of our christian circles.
that unspoken list of “rules” that this is what you have to do to be accepted.
this is the standard by which you measure your self worth. 

social media has added to the list even more as we sit scrolling through the calculated glimpses people allow us to have into their lives, convincing us everyone is happy happy happy all the time as they instagram their sunny walks and status update us on how great their love life is and hashtag every adjective in the english language and tweet every mile they’ve run and pinterest all the creative anything that’s ever been thought of and blog from picture perfect homes with kids that never seem to have runny noses or stains on their shirts. but… i just want to stand up on a chair and say loud and clear – it’s okay to not always be okay!

it’s more than okay. we need people like you! to remind the rest of us it’s okay too.

nothing wrong with sunny walks and great love lives. of having fun and running miles.
what would we do without pinterest and who really wants to look at runny noses anyway?
but as we see ourselves and women around us burdened down with a burden they don’t have to bear –
we need to take hold of truth and pass it on to those around us.
superwoman is not real!!
there’s no such thing as a perfect mom or wife or friend or homemaker.
there’s no marriage that hasn’t known conflict and no family that has it all together. 
we all live the same way – one grace paved step at a time!
we don’t have to be more. do more. look more.

with all our flaws and shortcomings and weakness’ God can and does still use us.
 
let’s rally the sisterhood and take a moment to whisper over to those standing near us, “you are enough!”
when our identity is found in Christ we’re more than enough because our significance isn’t coming from our toned bodies or awesome marriages or perfect looking homes – our significance is coming from Christ and He holds all we need.

“the richness of the fullness of Christ.”

but even though we know it we lose sight of it. we’re going to forget. and, if you’re like me, far too quickly.
and so let’s offer each other the room to grow. the grace to be.
sometimes what points someone back to God isn’t preaching at them a truth, but living it out!
maybe just sitting down next to them and with a squeeze of the hand reassuring them, yeah.. it’s okay to not always be okay. 

a friend said to me recently and it’s been hanging in my heart ever since –
just because bad things happen doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
it can also mean you’re doing something exactly RIGHT!

satan is out to destroy us any way, face, form, shape he can.
let’s not lose sight of who the real enemy is. certainly not one another!

****

seems there was more i had to share about march break and last week and oh, the stomach flu that’s come back to haunt us..
but that’s all the salad i can toss together for now. {no connection intended between flu and toss} )

here’s some pics instead that will tell some of the stories of the last few weeks for me~

here’s the song i’m loving right now.

“You, O Lord have made a way..
the great divide you healed.
For when our hearts were far away –
Your love went further still.

sitting here in my bedroom, window open…
just came back from a brisk walk where i actually got hot!!
and here only weeks ago, i had my doubts i’d ever be warm again!

i can hear the birds outside. a sound i haven’t heard in awhile and love.
kate just came into the room and i told her to listen too.

she said, “ah, that’s so nice.” and there we sat. us both. just listening.
the corners of my mouth turning up at the silly joy of it all.

winter isn’t completely behind us here north.
there will be snowfalls still that will cause me to sigh. to doubt.
but i know {because i’ve been in this place before} it doesn’t last forever.  
there is this turning of seasons.
and this cold part. dead part. the part i like least..
all a necessary part for growth to come.

because yes, He makes all things new!

in me. in you. in us all who are His. because He loves us.
because He never stops showing up.
changing us. shaping us. deepening us. drawing us.
 
there’s fresh mercy knocking. can you hear it?

when we first moved to canada i struggled with what took me a long time to admit was depression.
crying alot. not wanting to get out of bed. not wanting to eat. that overwhelming feeling of just sadness. hopelessness.
i get that i’d just had a new baby. it was winter. i was far from home. shayne’s job situation changed almost instantly …
lots of things to process and adjust from what i thought was going to be, to what was.

it was a dark time and as dark times seem, the light will never come. but it did.
still, throughout our years here i’ve continued to feel the pull back towards that pit again.
i know there’s medical reasons for depression – chemical imbalances. hormone changes.
i don’t knock any of that… or needing to take a pill to feel “normal” again.
but i also think there’s a depression that is spiritual – when you stand at that precipice of disappointment, even disillusionment..
and have to choose either to believe God is who He says He is, or He is not.

and it’s not a one time deal. we stand there many times. all throughout our life.
and for me, when i have chosen to not believe. that He is good. always. in control-
completing what He has begun. transforming. working together. loving…
that is when i plummet.
that is when i find myself in the all too familiar mire of self pity. doubt. anger. resentment.

and that’s where i found myself sitting last week.
not really for any particular reason i could pinpoint.
only it seemed nothing and everything all at once!

depression is a lonely place. partly because we make it that. shut down. close others out.
our pride keeps us silent. and our fear believing we’re the only one.
the sunday school answers we know by heart guilt us into thinking we should be stronger. better.able to pull ourselves up.
and somehow if we were just spiritual enough we wouldn’t struggle.

but the longer i walk in this relationship with Christ, the more i realize it’s not about being “spiritual enough”
it’s about coming to rest in the ENOUGH He already is!

how often i exhaust myself when i don’t have to…
i don’t have to keep fighting for a victory that’s already been won!

“in this world you will have trials, but be of good cheer, I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD.”

and we wouldn’t know there was freedom were it not for our chains.
and we wouldn’t know His healing were it not for our wounds.

there is a side to Him we learn only through the darkness.

and i can’t always say how He brings me back from those times.
all i know is He does. every time.
and without condemnation. without reproach.
His opinion of me never changes and His love of me never lessens.
He knows my neediness and He’s okay with that.

it’s as if i used to have this mindset that fresh mercy was like a bucket delivered to my house each morning..
like those old milk jugs back in the day.
and there it would sit. waiting for me to pick it up and pour out over my life.
now, there’s a different picture shaping in my mind…
one that looks more like this~

morning coming, a soft knock at the door. opening it, i find there’s not a bucket waiting for me..
no, there’s nothing for me to lift. to do.
instead, there stands Christ Himself, hand extended.
He says, “I’ve come to walk with you through this day.”

and then i see it, that here.. here is mercy.

this morning, like most mornings, i woke with my running list of to-do’s scrolling through my mind before my eyes even opened..
cleaning bathrooms at the top. along with a dozen other things that just had to get done today!

instead. this stomach flu that won’t quite seem to fully leave had me back in bed..
and my 2 year old making a playground around me of books and dolls and toy pots and pans and plastic food.

i found myself irritated that the day wasn’t going as planned. nothing getting done.
i didn’t have time to be sick! what mom ever does?
or to sit around playing connect four with reese all day!
 
then i read this.

“the life GOD is sending…”

man! how i lose sight of that.
that, wait a minute.. there’s a whole other plan here besides mine.
and what? it’s not about getting it all done and crossing off every box on our endless to-do lists?

it’s about pouring into the eternal souls around us.
even if we do it laying flat on our back in bed, playing connect four.

and suddenly the irritating “interruptions” of my day become a little more plain for what they are –
His wise love forming me. changing me. giving me eyes beyond myself.

the school called and said emma was sick and needed me to come get her.
i threw reese in the van and headed straight over.
still new to all this public school stuff i wasn’t sure the proper procedure…

i went to the office.
the secretary wasn’t there. so i stood, waiting.

two boys, obviously serving detention at a table not far away looked curiously at us.
i got the feeling they wanted to ask me to bust them out!

after a few more minutes of awkward glances between us and the detention boys i decided to forget about the rule of not going anywhere in the school without a supervised person and grabbed reese’s hand and headed down the hall.

i rounded the corner to her class.
she was standing there. just outside the door. snow pants and coat on.
her hat pulled down to the top of her eyebrows.
a little bundle of padded up fluff. it made me smile.
she spotted me about then and smiled back.
but as soon as i was close enough i saw the big tears ready to fall in spite of the smile.

i dropped down on one knee and hugged her.
“oh, sweetie.. are you feeling so sick?”
sure that was the reason for the tears.

she shook her head and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.
saying quietly as her voice cracked over the words.
“no. i.. was.. j..just.. so.. g..lad.. to.. see.. you.”

and i hugged her tight and thought, this.. this is what makes it all worth it!

moments like this when you forget the frustration and exhaustion and messes and all those times of feeling you just can’t do it. and remember, all the reasons you do!

and here’s some fun questions for conversation…
how old were you when you had your first child?
and what’s the biggest thing that’s surprised you about motherhood?

going through some old pictures i found these from when emma was 3. some of my favorites.

wishing you a weekend of sweet mommy moments~